✰ stars | lams, thaurens, and jamilams one shots ✰

✰ do you think he would like me? - lams ✰

haven't updated this in a while, sorry about that! enjoy lovelies ❤️
TW // eating disorder, body shaming
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third person point of view
john laurens was chubby, no doubt about it. it wasn't an unhealthy amount, just some extra skin around his thighs and stomach. sure, it was sometimes an issue, but he tried to focus on the fact that he was healthy and alive.

of course there were some tough days where he couldn't stand to look himself in the mirror. there were also some days where the words that came from kids at his school hurt a little more than they should.

but john always had the support of his best friend, peggy who always knew what to say to make john's confidence skyrocket. she also wouldn't hesitate to throw a punch or two at a bully.

even though john laurens had this support, he couldn't help but think about how much easier his life would be if he had the ideal body type. maybe his crush would like him back. he had been pining over the boy for months now, yet john knew he wouldn't bat an eye at him.

john's point of view
"jackie, hun, it's time to get up..." my mother's sweet voice cooed from the door.

"i'm up, mama, thank you..." i mumble, turning on my lamp.

"do you wanna ride the bus today? or i can take you." she suggests.

"uhm, i'll just walk, ma, it's fine. you should go, so you won't be late for work. i'll lock the door and stuff."

"alright, hun. i love you..." she sighs, kissing my head.

"i love you, too, mom." i smile.

ever since my father abandoned us, money has been a bit tight, but we make it work. it's always hard seeing your mom struggle, but i do what i can.

i get out of bed, scanning my closet for something i could wear. i could go the 'i'm insecure and don't want people to judge me' route with just jeans and a sweater or i could go the 'i'm chubby but i know how to dress' route with a intricate outfit i had planned for months.

"jeans and sweatshirt it is..." i mutter, grabbing the clothes.

i try not to stare at myself in the mirror because that alone will ruin my entire mood. it's not that i'm an unattractive person, it's just that my body isn't ideal. i'll praise loving yourself, but it's not easy taking your own advice and sometimes you develop little habits that just remind you of your flaws.

like i read that taking cold showers boosts metabolism, so now i only take cold showers. it also helps my mom so that she doesn't have to pay more on the water bill.

it's also the littlest things that will make you feel so disgusted by yourself. like how toothpaste has calories, but you can't just not brush your teeth, that's disgusting.

i always wonder what it's like to be skinny and to not worry constantly about your looks. how it feels to always see your body type represented in the media and whatnot.

i slip the last barrette in my hair and make my way downstairs. i stare at the bowl of fruit on the counter, deciding against it. i'll already eat at lunch anyways.

it's also simple things like walking to school. it's not a far walk, but i'm burning more calories than if i take the bus. also, the bus is a blatant call to get judged.

i arrive at school, adjusting the sweater so it looks big on me. i keep my eyes on the ground, hoping that thomas jefferson just keeps talking to his crowd of minions. alas, it's high school, definitely not a musical.

"go ahead moo-ve along, laurens." charles lee laughs.

"you asked for my nudes last night, don't even." i shoot back, going to find peggy.