I watched as Jensen bounded the steps into his house, I waited outside and leaned against the old building. A few minutes later he came scrambling out with a sack and a big orange container. He nodded towards the car and I smiled like a small child. I waited for him to tell me to shut up or quit being a girl but all he did was grin as he put the car in drive.
We pulled up to a park, the trees swayed with weird pull and left shade over the playground.
We got out and Jensen set everything down on a table and smiled at the play set, "Do you remember this place?" he asked and I shook my head no, but he continued like I never did anything.
"When you were about two I would push you around on that tire swing over there." his head jerked in the general direction of the swing but my eyes stayed glued to his. "I would laugh and laugh as you would swing on that stupid thing. Then when you got older, you insisted on not letting me help you, I swear to God, Jared. I wouldn't take my eyes off of you, just because you were so persistent on being like me I had to makes sure you didn't kill yourself in the process."
I watched as he moved toward the swing and I followed. He sat down on it, making the chains creek with every swing. "What happened?" I asked and he shook his head, laughing, looking at the ground.
"I looked away," He laughed and swung harder. "I knew it happened the second I did, you got cocky and stood up." he stood up then and the creaking got louder.
"Yeah, I was so scared, I rushed over and you stood up so fast and you just looked at me and said 'you can push me now Jensen' It made me laugh so god damn hard." Jensen looked up at me and smiled and got up, walking closer.
I smiled at him and ran my fingers through his hair, "I love you, Jen." I whispered and he nodded and kissed my cheek.
"Want some food kid?" he asked and I laughed, I felt it resonate throughout my body and I needed this after all these years. I nodded, and sat down next to him bumping his knee against mine and ate in silence.
"So what are you gonna do?" Jensen asked later as we swung back forth on the tire. Jensen was propped up and I sat in the hole between his legs, using mine to swing us back and forth.
"About what?" I asked and he pulled a lock of my hair.
"About Ashley and whatever her name is, Sara, right?" he joked and I put my head back on his chest and smiled up at him, feeling the muscles underneath my head.
"Oh, I dont know, we uh didn't decide. All we know is she's letting me see her." I sighed and picked up a rock and threw it, it bounced off the metal of the play set and hit the ground with a thud at my feet.
"Does Ash know who you are?" Jensen asked and handed me another rock.
"Yeah a little bit, she's only two, and I can still make a difference, well I hope I can." I watched as the trees swayed a little and I frowned up at the sky. Clouds started to roll in, fast and I was already feeling little drops on my skin. Jensen was running his hands through my hair again and a small smile crept onto my face, i started to lean back when he stopped and scrambled back and off the swing. I jumped and turned around quickly and stared at Jensen as he scrambled to stand up. I wondered what I did until I saw people walk by, there were two adults and a small child, she ran towards us and I got up, moving away from Jensen and shook my head, leaning against the car.
"Look Jared," Jensen started but I just held out my palm. "Jared, we both agreed as you said, I didn't think you would mean just at school, I guess i'm just not ready-" Jensen rambled on my I then grabbed his hand forcefully and intertwined our fingers.
"I'm not mad Jen. I just wish we could you know? Only a couple people know about me, its not like I care if they know, but no one has asked yet. And you, Jensen, you seem like you don't care, but truth is your freaked out about this. About me touching you," Jensen began shaking his head no and holding tighter to me. "Yes, Jensen you do. It freaks you out to kiss me and hold me, even in the most calm moments your heart is beating so fast and your shaking and you don't know how to touch me. Jensen," I said putting my hand on his face. His green eyes opened showing worry. "Its not a bad thing, we just can't keep doing thngs and that means we need to go slow, slow Jen." I opened up the door to the car and got in.
