Our Anthem

Smoke and Flame

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KATNISS POV

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I watched him sometimes, that boy with the bread. My fellow victor in the 74th Annual Hunger Games. The boy that I found myself thinking more and more about with each passing day. I would watch him work in his yard, planting flowers and laying rocks for his pathways. On the hottest of days, he took off his shirt, and I won't go into detail about how that made me feel. At night, I lay in bed wondering what my life would be like if I allowed myself to love Peeta Mellark. I could kiss his sweet, soft, tender lips and be held in his strong, firm, muscular arms. He would whisper sweet nothings into my ear and bake me cheese buns in the morning. At first, I didn't want to allow myself to imagine what it would be like to make love to Peeta Mellark, but soon, I found that I just couldn't keep the thoughts away.

I smiled to myself late one night - tomorrow, I was going to kiss Peeta Mellark, for real. No cameras, no Capitol, no people forcing us together. I wanted to kiss him for real, and I didn't know why. I didn't want to love him. I didn't want to kiss him or touch him or even be near him, but the part inside of me that did was starting to take control. "Tell yourself," said my inner voice, the Katniss that loved Peeta. "Tell yourself that you love him. Tell him that you love him."

"I don't love him," I would say back to myself. "I don't love him, I'll never love him. That 'love' that you're detecting is not real love, it was a desire to survive."

But perhaps it was. Perhaps, deep inside, it was never about surviving. I'd always liked to live in the moment and not think about my future, but suddenly, I couldn't picture my future without Peeta Mellark. I wanted to go to bed wrapped up in his arms and wake up tangled in them once more, losing my hands in his hair and my gaze in his. No, I didn't want that. Why would I ever want that? Why would I love a boy that the Capitol was forcing me to be with? I didn't want to fall in love. I didn't want to marry or have children or any of that. Not with the Games constantly looming over my head. I wasn't going to kiss him tomorrow. Nope.

And then I saw him. He looked so strong and so handsome while he bent over his flowers. I wanted to throw my arms around that handsome, toned, sweaty body and kiss the face that belonged to it. The moment I saw him, I realised that like him when we were children, I was gone. So I made the first steps. From the window to the stairs, down the stairs and to the door. I opened the door and was about to call his name when I saw Madge Undersee, the mayor's daughter, joining him in his yard. They were smiling and laughing about something, but I didn't stay long enough to find out what. I quickly darted back into my house and closed the door, leaning my back against it to keep it closed, but I knew he wasn't going to follow me. I wanted to be angry and I wanted to hate him, but I knew I couldn't. And why couldn't I?

Because I was starting down the long path of falling in love with Peeta Mellark.

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I tended to Peeta's wounds as soon as we were safe in the storage room beneath Tigris's shop. I was numb to everything, as if I had morphling coursing through my veins, but I knew that I was completely awake. I'd just watched one of my dearest friends die a gruesome death, and I lost my brother all over again. My heart sank at the thought that I'd never see Finnick's charming smile or hear his playful tone of voice ever again, nor would I hold my much beloved brother in an embrace again and I would never see that blue left eye and that brown right eye again. And neither would Cailean, Calum's twin. Not unless he looked in a mirror. And poor Annie and Carolina, never to hear the laughs of their beloveds again. Annie's children would never see their father again, would never hug him again, would never be held by him again. Finnick's little girl would never know her father, and Killick's memories of his father would fade as he grew up.