Prom- Trixya

Chapter 9

Katya POV-

I can't believe I'm going to try and ask Trixie to prom today. It's been two days since the posters went up, there's already rumors about who is going with who. Ginger's going with her boyfriend, a lot of the boys are asking girls during lunch. Obviously I'm asking Trixie quietly at lunch so we don't draw any attention. It's not fair that we can't be open about our (maybe) relationship but that's the way it is. I can feel my heart in my head while I go through the lunch line. Trixie is already sitting at our table waiting for me. As I type in my I.D. number to pay I try to keep my hands from shaking. I don't want this to ruin anything but I don't think she'd say no.

When I get to the table she smiles and I sit across from her like always. "Hey Trixie?" I start. There's no denying how nervous my voice sounds.

"What's up?"

"I have a question if that's okay."

She grins. "Go for it."

"Do you maybe want to go to Prom with me?"

Trixie's face falls, she doesn't say anything for a moment.

"Sorry." I murmur. "I didn't mean-"

"I don't know Kats." She interrupts. "I really just don't know."

"Okay."

Shit. I expected her to at least be happy that I asked even if she did say no. But she doesn't seem to be flattered by the question at all. I don't want to make her uncomfortable but at the same time I feel like I've been led on. How can she kiss me and look angry when I ask her to prom. I could be reading it wrong. Maybe I don't know what's happening. Nonetheless I'm more than a little flustered.

Lunch drags on. Trixie acts like the question was never asked, attempting to chat like normal. But even though I try to push through it and just converse it won't leave my head. Why doesn't she want to go? If she doesn't want to go that's fine, I just want to know why. She's not trying to be mean but it's coming off that way and I don't know how to tell her. It hurts to ask a question so important to me and get such a casual answer in return. And then for it to not be mentioned again.

I have art next and I'm really glad we're working on abstract pieces. I'm not sure I could do precise line work today. I'd rather just work with my canvas and put all my emotions into it. I dread when the bell rings. I don't want to go to English today.

For once I guess I'm glad to have Ginger working on our project. She doesn't seem to notice the silence between me and Trixie and keeps up a conversation through the rest of class. Our project is coming along well, we don't have too much left to do.

The whole class gets dismissed five minutes early which is nice because the hallway isn't crowded as we leave. Even now Trixie and I walk out of class together. "Do you want to come over?" I ask hesitantly.

"I have to help my grandma with dinner." She replies. "Maybe another night."

"Oh okay." I say, forcing a smile. It's probably not convincing but I tried. "See you."

"Yep."

Trixie gathers her things and goes out the back door like usual. Normally I would too as it's easier to get to my car that way but if I'm going to be honest I don't want to run into her or Ginger who have lockers close to the exit.

I decide to head out the main front doors and snake my way around the parking lot to my car. When I get in I'm hit with a wave of emotion. I almost want to cry, but I don't have tinted windows and don't do the whole crying in public thing. The gravel crunches under my tires as I back out. I am glad I have the whole basement to myself back at home.

When I get in the house my mom says hello from upstairs. I start to head down to my room and she realizes I'm in a terrible mood. She doesn't ask me to take any of the kids which is great because I'm not feeling like existing right now.

Trust me, I'm fully aware that I'm being dramatic, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck. Prom was important to me. It sounds so dumb but after having the worst high school experience possible I wanted this one thing to go right. And now it's not, I fully just got rejected by my one friend. I know she doesn't want to hurt me, I know she loves me to pieces, but the feeling brings back the anxiety from before. What if she doesn't like me? What if she found me out? Realized I'm an annoying horrible person. I shouldn't think like that. But I do. What if Trixie hates me just like everyone else at my old school? It all felt too good to be true. Maybe it was.

I show up to dinner with my family but I can only stomach a few bites. When I'm done I go back downstairs and write for a bit before I shower and get ready for bed. I cry in the shower, it's the only place that has a lock where nobody is going to bug me or ask why I look sad. When I get out I feel a lot better. My brain wonders to how Trixie feels about all this and how it's going to be at school tomorrow. Guess I'll have to wait and see.

In the morning I get to school late for me which just means on time for everyone else. It took forever to wake up but by first hour I'm good to go. Classes pass fast, I don't even see Trixie in the hallways which is a little weird. I hate to admit it but I'm dreading lunch time. Nothing in me wants to sit down and have that conversation or pretend the conversation never started.

When I make it to the lunch line I don't see Trixie at our table, and assuming she's not at school I decide to eat alone outside by the tree in the back. If I'm going to be by myself I'm not going to mess with the cafeteria. I eat a few chips that I brought, not feeling like a whole meal today and look at my phone. All of the sudden I get a text.

Trixie: where are you?
Me: outside by the tree on the left
Trixie: ok

I assume that means she's going to come find me and she shows up only a few minutes later. "I wanted to talk." She says, sitting down next to me.

"Oh?" I reply a bit surprised.

"Just why I didn't say yes to Prom."

My stomach twists into a knot. I can't bring myself to say anything. Trixie continues. "I just didn't want to bring you into all the shit of being out at school."

I purse my lips. She really doesn't get it does she.

"I don't want you to come out and then have everyone start rumors about you."

"Trixie I don't care about rumors."

"You don't understand-"

"You're the one that doesn't understand." My words come out too loud, too forceful.

She looks taken aback. "What?"

"I don't know if you've fucking noticed but they all hate me too."

"Why would they all hate you?"

I can feel my face go hot. When I get like this I only have two options. Cry or put up a barrier of my emotions. And I'm not going to cry. "Because of my past Trixie. Maybe you don't listen, but it seems like you're the only one that hasn't realized that you aren't the only person who gets crap around here."

"Fine." She says calmly.

That's not the reaction I wanted. I wanted her to explain. I want to figure this out I just don't know how to tell her that. I can see her face change slightly but I can't tell how before she turns away and walks back inside.

I'm pretty sure I really messed up.