His First July

Chapter Twenty Three

Pick it up, pick it all up and start again, you've got a second chance, you could go home, escape it all, it's just irrelevant
It's just medicine.
Daughter
(Medicine)
                             __His First July

Chapter Twenty Three

COLBY 

"Colby?" My mom's voice was muffled due to the closed door to my room. When they came to get me back from the park, I didn't look at them, nor did I acknowledge their presence. Yes, I followed them back, but I didn't answer any of their questions. And this is how it's going to be until the inevitable actually happens. I'm not going to put anyone through the state Gregory had been in. This is what Heather would have advised right? 

I'll never be sure, cause I was a pillar for her, asking her to believe that it was all going to be okay. But her death gave me a realization, a realization that it is better to just stay clear of everyone, that way, the ones you love wouldn't care as much. 

I'm avoiding everyone for their well being, this-this is what I should have been doing all along. 

The memories of yesterday came rushing back to me. The hurt on Dany's face, the confusion, mixed up to send my mind into that dark hole that had swallowed me yesterday. I hurt her. I hurt her so much, but it's better that way, right? It's better for her to be hurt now, than to be hurt forever. 

"Colby? I know you're awake. Can I come in?" Her voice came up again. 

From my position on the bed, I looked ahead to see the pills I was supposed to have taken yesterday, lying on the table. 

I also decided to stop taking them. Right from the moment Dany gave me the necklace back, I felt like dying... Honestly at that point, I really didn't care about anything. And when I made the decision to stop taking my meds, I knew it was the right one. 

It's the only way to quicken this, the only way to relieve everyone of their burden. 

I'm done with the routine pills, the clinical trials, everything. 

I'm done trying, done being hopeful, because there's no point. Heather was right, this isn't fair, but then again, when is anything ever fair. 

The knock came in again. "Colby? You can't stay locked up in your room forever, this is unlike you." 

I closed my eyes, resting my head on the headboard of my bed. 

But... It doesn't feel right... It doesn't feel right at all. Me hurting Dany doesn't feel right, me avoiding everyone doesn't feel right. But it’s right. It's what should feel right. Right? 

The sound of my door opening made me suppress a groan, but I didn't open my eyes. "I never said you could come in."

I heard her sigh. "I wanted to see if you were-" she stopped.