His First July

Chapter Twenty Five

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Chapter Twenty Five

COLBY

Hope.

It's one thing I'd always held on to. A feeling that rushed through my mind whenever I thought about the future. Even after I learned that I had just a month left, that didn't stop me from having hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, a miracle will happen, and I'd be alright.

It kept me happy, sound, and cheerful. My hope gave everyone else hope. It made my home cheery and everything seemed to have worked out fine.

But this hope was the same thing that blinded me from reality. Although, my eyes are open now. All the hope I once had, has been long gone.

I should have sensed this coming. I mean, I had sensed it coming, the night before highschool, I'd been thinking. I was lost in my thoughts, digging through the thousands of 'what ifs' in my life.

High school was a good distraction, cause at some point I started having hope again. When I made friends, I thought... 'Maybe everything was really going to be alright' when I met Dany, for a moment, it almost seemed as if I wasn't the guy who had just a month left.

She took it all away, with her smile, the sound of her laughter, took away all the doubts I had in my heart. She filled me up with love, something I really did not believe in.

'Love is just a feeling' I once thought. But now, now I know it wasn't just a feeling, it's greater than that.

It's like slow poison, taking over you without you realizing it, until it grips tightly on your heart, making you realize that your life will never be the way it used to be again.

Dany had made her way into my heart, and losing her, losing her made me cut myself from that thin string of hope. It felt like there was nothing else to fight for.

All my life, I'd always thought I was empty. But now, I realize what real emptiness feels like.

It seemed as if there's a deep empty hole in my chest, waiting for a familiar warmth to come fill it up. But that's what I'll keep doing... Waiting... Waiting for a warmth I smothered with my own hands.

I might not have that hope, and I might blame it for blinding me... But.. there's no denying the fact that I regret it. I regret everything I've done in the last couple of days. I forgot myself. I forgot my laws.

What happened to the rule about never making a decision when you're not in the greatest of moods Colby? What happened to your hope? Why did you let this overcome you? You promised to be in control, so why? Why did you let life take control? Why did you sway away from your plan? Why are you hurting everyone around you? This isn't you Colby, you're better than this. Heather would never advise you to do this... She'd want you to be happy. My own voice had been chanting this to me since today began.

I ruined my life... I hurt my parents... I hurt my friends.

How do I come back from that?

There was a soft knock on my door, I stilled, quickly wiping my eyes and sniffing as I placed my glasses back on, shutting my laptop.

"Come in." I answered for the first time in days.