His First July

Chapter Twenty Six

You're really cute, I must admit, but I need something deeper than this.
Neoni
(Superficial Love)
                                    __His First July

Chapter Twenty Six

COLBY

Regret. 

One thing I never thought I'd ever feel. I'd always seen it in movies, read it from books. It seemed to be a feeling that tore you apart from within, a feeling coming with impossibility. By impossibility, I mean the fact that you can’t try to change whatever’s making you feel regret. The fact that you'd wish you had never done what you did, the fact that you'd try looking for a way to correct that mistake, to catch the sands of time slowly slipping from your grasp... But you can't. 

Well, searching for the necklace had been a fail, and honestly, I regret ever throwing it away in the first place. Seeing it just reminded me of something important that I lost. And in that moment, all I could think about was getting as far away from it as possible. 

I should apologize to Dany, explain everything to her and tell her the real reason why I think she's better off without me. 

I should have told her about my health issues. I should have explained to her that from birth, I've had issues with my heart, and a transplant wasn't advisable. Mixed with the issues were the several allergies that stopped me from eating whatever I wanted. My immune system was failing and soon, my body's just gonna stop fighting. 

Due to the weakness pressing my body down to my bed, I knew it'd be soon. 

I felt pains everywhere, I felt really sick. Yes, I had agreed to take my meds today, just to please my Mom, but- I knew it was of no use. 

I'd ruined the effects of the drugs by skipping them for days straight. 

The signs were pretty obvious. My harsh breathing, caused by the fact that my chest had suddenly decided to make it difficult for me to breathe. The cough, which I'd taken close to three pills for, made sure to make my chest ache whenever I breathed in. I did make sure to hide the bloody tissues from whenever I coughed out blood. It'd only make them worry. 

That was the last thing I wanted. Now things seemed to be okay with them, and they seem to be happier than they've been in days. 

All that's left is mending things with my friends. With Dany. 

I messed up, big time. And yes, it was part of the stupid to do list I made when my life was too smooth to be true. 

I was thirteen when I made that list. I was so proud after I wrote it up to number 31. And the next day, I showed it to Ruth. She had been surprised at first, seeing as there were some weird things on the list. 

I was young and somewhat stupid, so yeah. I made a list of things I'd love to do, some which I'd recently crossed off. 

Hold on, I've crossed off almost everything. Something I never thought I'd do. 

I was wrong about highschool. 

It didn't ruin my life. It made my life. It gave me things I never thought I'd ever have. It proved to me that yes, I can have things, if I want to. 

And it also made me realize that there's more to life than the four walls of my room. It told me that life isn't really what I see in movies, it's entirely different. It's more realistic than anything I've ever seen.