For him (on hold)

Chapter 17- Quarrels & Questions

"Cou-could you release th-the" I keep stuttering. My hands are still so sweaty and trembling even after he let go. I take a swoosh of breath. It's still ragged. "Can we move from thi-this goddamn elevator!...please." I said sheepishly. This was not how I thought the day would go. He loves me. He loves me. I watch his long sculptured fingers touch the button, lighting it up to a light orange. He doesn't look at me but he says "Jessica, I'm going to need an answer to whether you think this is a m-" "No- No it wasn't a mistake. None of it is mistake." I said so lightly it was almost whisper. It's true I enjoyed every moment with this guy. I just- this is not the right time. It's never the right time. "Do you want to be my Submissive?" I look up at him, he's mad. Did he not listen to what I just explained? What if you can topple it by becoming one again but this time with your opinion. Your choice and no one else's. My inner self said. But what if it makes it worse? What if it makes it better? You never know unless you try. Forget about Jada and everyone else for a second. What do you want. Not what's right. Be selfish for once. But- But nothing, It was a traumatic experience because it was from your father. A man who promised to protect you and failed. But Frank wants you. Needs you. Loves you. You choose your hard limits and soft and everything else. He just wants your heart and soul. And you think you don't have one. What if he can find it? He can show it to you. Cause I think we both know your better than you give yourself credit for, he can make you see it clearer than it already is. "Yes" as soon as I said that, the elevator bell rings, door opens. "Last time you were here, I carried you in my arms. Don't suppose you remember? Do you?" As I walked down this hall I thought about what he said in the elevator
Memory~
"Jessica, that's a shame cause I already love you"
I felt utter shock from those 3 little words. Like some one stuck a dagger in the core of my heart. Spice told me he loves me. Me, someone so dysfunctional and messed up. Then something hit me. I remember watching something in which I heard: "Love is a spice with many tastes--a dizzying array of textures and moments." I think it was from Seinfeld, I don't know but is that how I'm gonna feel with Frank- Spice. Fondness, adulation, enjoyment? Desire, passion, and free from danger or better myself? Am I gonna be happy belonging to one man. One very prestigious, mercurial, charming, powerful, handsome, luring, persistent man?
Frank dragged me from my thoughts saying "Hello?" "Huh?" "You spaced out. I notice you do that a lot" "Oh sorry" "It's f-" he was interrupted by Sasha's ringtone
"You were out of my league
All the things I believe
You were just the right kind
Yeah, you are more than just a dream
You were out of my league
Got my heartbeat racing
If I die don't wake me
'Cause you are more than just a dream!" Frank gives me a look that says why that song ? "She's high maintenance now, shut up" he gives a look that says I'll have my way as he sticks the key into the key-whole and opens it with ease. I take out my iPhone and press answer.
Phone Conversation~
"Jess, hey" "Sasha, what do you want?" "Okay, I get it your still mad but where are you? I checked your room your not there" I walk into Frank's apartment mouthing "this is nice." He goes somewhere, don't know where "Hello?" Oh right Sasha is on the other line, forgot. "I'm in Frank's apartment" "Frank's? What are you doing there? Didn't that son of a- well no I can't say that Jennifer and Henry are great but he's a bastard, he punched Tony!" I can totally picture her throwing her arms in the air "I know that Sasha what do you think I'm quarreling about with him" he comes back and gives me a raised a eyebrow. I shoo him away with my hand. "Your still not going to Byron's?" She says in a pouty voice, I roll my eyes "No. I'm not in the mood. Jada will be there and Byron will have another party soon I'm sure of it, so there's no need to whine" she groans and says "Awwwwwww. You never explained why your not talking to Jada either." I sigh, I really didn't want to talk about that but I'll give her the short version "Because she is a lying, two-faced, cum-stained, betraying, dick sucking bitch and I don't want to deal with her or her lies. That's all I'm telling you" Frank looks at me and I can tell I'm testing him with my expletive language. "Isn't that detailed" She says sarcastically "Yeah well-" I hear her giggle "Stop it" She pleads softly. I spit out a laugh "Your with David?" I tease "No" she says "YES!" I hear in the background "Well I'm gonna leave you to it" "Okay but we have to go out this week, alright?" "Alright bye" "by-" I hang up before she can finish. Hmm....I'm happy for her. She finally found a guy just as high maintenance as her. "Do you know about Sasha and David?" "Yeah" no surprise confide in each other for everything especially woman "You want a Budweiser?" I froze. Everything perished from my sight into another memory. I feel 5x smaller than I am, everything is black and dazed except him "Jessicai did I ever tell you that you are the beautifullest girl I've ever seen" he's pacing around all wobbly and slurring his words while I'm trying to eat peacefully " "Beautifullest" is not a word" "Yeah well it is to me because I can't believe that I made you and I can fuck you when I want." Then all I feel is a wet, sloppy and mushy kiss as if from a dog. All I taste is the sour, bitter distaste of Budweiser beer. Then all I hear is a screech, a yell, a scream..... coming from me "JESSICA STOP!" "JESS!" But I can't because I'm not safe "JESS WHAT THE-" then all I feel is a pair of wet, vanilla scented hands on my mouth. "Shhhh. Shhh. Shhh" is what he whispers into my ear and it's so calming. He lets go but I almost fall to the ground he catches me, carrying me to his couch. "It seems I always have to carry you in here" I'm so tired. I realize I haven't ate and I'm still so tired from Friday, from yesterday and I didn't do anything except cry in bed all day seriously. I haven't eaten and showered since Friday. Oh that is so bad. I didn't even take my pump with me today. Am I trying to kill myself? I get up way too fast and fall hard on the persian rugged floor "Woah, what the hell are you doing. You know what, did to eat at all? Okay, I'm gonna order some food and we are gonna have a serious talk while eating then we should sleep." He says assertively and I like it but "We?" "Yup" "Wait. Wait I need my pump I-I forgot it. I need to go home" I say weakly, he runs a nervous hand through his hair "Really Jess, Jesus Christ, you were running" He leaves. But quickly comes back. He puts the syringe in me and clips the back of the pump to my bra "Look at me Jess, you are home no one is going to hurt you. Now it's Medtronic sure T-infusion right?" I nod weakly "Jess stay right there you need protein. Your gonna pass out. Hold on. Hold on" I start to close my eyes, I really did work myself "Jess hold on! Hey" I spike awake. He runs to the kitchen and comes back with a Naked. "Drink this it has protein come on" I take slow sips as he holds it for me as if I'm a baby. For every sip I take I feel myself wake up. I moan, this taste delicious. He chuckles "It's strawberry and banana my favorite" I'm strong enough now so I take it from his grasp and before I know it, it finished. He laughs and I watch him. Or should I say admire him as those beautiful basil's ignite to life. His mouths opens slightly to let out a deep, masculine beautiful laugh, in which I see his perfectly white and straight teeth. A thunderous shift in my heart comes over. He really is winning me. I smile and lick my lips "My favorite is strawberry and banana too" I tell him without looking at him too embarrassed, that every time I'm down I cease to take care of myself, that's not good. He lifts my chin "Add that to the list" the list of what we have in common? I feel my self flush in red. I then watch as he takes out his iPhone 6 plus. I didn't get to admire his apartment last time. It really describes him so far from what I can see the living room has elegant living space and a sophisticated gray palette. "Yes, hello can I get an order of a large chicken and broccoli with white rice no sauce and a coke and-" he puts a hand on the phone and looks to me "What do want to drink" "Uhh, Dr. Pepper" he nods and continues "And a Dr. Pepper to 578 White Hall Residence East 26th Street, apartment 5A" I watch him as he nods and I start to walk cause I know he isn't watching and I walk over to the extremely big ceiling to floor window. "Okay, thank you" I hear him say. While I'm watching the water from the clouds come harder and harder each time tapping on his window faster and faster. Upon that all the way down where everyone looks like squish-able ants, rushing to work covering there heads with copy papers. Others gets splashed with water from jerk off taxis. Others are madly in love enjoying the rain and their loved ones tongue. I sigh "Hey" says Frank as he wraps his arms around my shoulders "Why don't we take a shower if the food comes before we come I'm sure Holland will get it?" I turn around to look at him "We? In a shower together?" I have insecurities of even staying the night with people after sex. I don't like it when people invade my privacy. A shower? Way too big a step. "Mmhmm" he says while nodding "Frank I- I can't" "Are you scared of me and be honest" I look down as he grabs my fingers "I'm not scared of you. I'm scared of what your capable of" "Number one: stop looking down I like to look at you when I talk because I find your eyes the most enchanting thing ever." I feel my self redden again, then look back up to him "Two: If I have a mind I would never lay on hand on you...that you don't want. And guess what? I have a mind" he then smirks, I feel myself open up but still "How are you ever going to love me back or be my submissive or even open up to me without the basics." "Frank I-" he puts a finger on my lips to shush me "Look I know that you don't want to admit this to yourself but you don't love yourself even though you are extremely gorgeous and so selfless but... I am so willing to teach you" I feel my heart heavy "Do you trust me? Look we won't do anything except shower if it makes you feel comfortable. Anything for your comfort" he then puts a hand on my cheek in which I find comfort in his soft vanilla scented hands. "Okay" I say softly while caressing myself on his big hands. He then hold his hand out to me I hesitantly take it feeling defiant but open.
We enter his room and go straight to his bathroom and I remember the last time I was here was the first time we had sex. I remembered feeling astonished at how big his bathroom was and in awe of a gold bath tub I mean, Jesus. But he doesn't go to the gold bathtub he goes to the shower than can easily hold a party of 300. I guess he's satisfied because he comes towards me. He kisses me softly and gives me a reassuring look. With silent words saying its okay and I don't mind. I like the silhouette of our actions as he takes of my cap sets it on the door handle."Lift your arms" he says softly. I do as he asks and he takes off my bra. "Oww" he sighs in disappointment "Sorry but your gonna have to tell me what you did" He throws the bra on the floor "I was mad so I punched a mirror." he sighs "After the shower I'm changing the bandages" I nod. He stares at my breast then me as if giving me a silent plead but then bends down to undo my laces because he knows now is not the time. I take off my pump. But as he takes off my socks with such ease he starts to tease me with every stroke of his fingers. His fingers then start dancing to take off my joggers, the lower my joggers are the more soft kisses from his tender lips. Is he serious? I shriek in which he replies with a mischievous smirk at how hasty he took off my underwear. He takes it off slowly when it reaches my feet. He then trails kisses all the way up to my lips and stops. I start to unbutton his shirt "Your a tease" he then gasps in fake shock "How dare you accuse me of such?" I hold back a smile. While taking off his shirt to look at his rock hard glimmering wet abs, I slide my hands on them up to swiftly unbuckle his belt and throw it on the floor. He steps out of his pants to show his perfectly toned legs. His lips are curved into a smirk while watching me take off his boxers. And his you know what is semi erected. Did I do that? I wonder. This man has perfect physique with every touch, every look. An Apollo. He then to my surprise picks me up and carries me in the shower. He lands me carefully. I go under the shower head into the soothing warm water. I pick up the soap bottle in the corner it says "Victor & Rolf: Spicebomb" I'm guessing this is what he uses. "Here let me" he says while softly snatching the bottle from my grasp he squirts some in his hand and gently starts rubbing it on my hair massaging it. I smell it I was right this is what he uses and may I say it smells....divine. I moan in great pleasure. He then takes the advantage to wash my neck. "I'm sorry I'm always pushing you away but don't take it to heart I push everyone even the ones I love the most" he kisses my cheek softly while starting to wash my back. "It's okay I guess I have a habit of pulling you back to me"