[中/eng] pentagon imagines & ffs

Kino- Happiness

"Have a good day."
The polite smile was still lingering on my face. Yes, it was polite, but joy could not be found within it.

I am Kino, a person who sells happiness.
People always say that I am talented at dancing, but, they said, my smile, was the killing point that heals everyone. I was younger back then, and the idea of giving happiness away sounded fair enough for me — a person who wants to shine on stage desperately but has no capital. Some paid me to dance and hangout with them for a day, while some spent lots of money to support my interest -- music and arts. Some are women, but some are not. Seeing my dancing freely on stage was healing, they explained; your music was relaxing, they remarked. I met some friends, and what I received from giving away happiness, was happiness.

Everything was voluntary.

After a period of time, I become an idol. Those people who sing and dance on stage. Idols have no place in the society, and I seemed to be a clown. Expectations were never like the realities, of course. People began to sell my dream: the money wasn't what I wanted, and the meaning of the "so-called" fair trade disappeared: "the purpose of me" was about packaging and business, it was no longer a fair trade.

They were selling my dreams.
Oh no, they were selling everything.

Sometimes I feel too tired to smile on stage. It wasn't the fact that performing made me unhappy, but how the merchandised everything. Everything. They forced me to smile, and while my smiles faker and brighter than ever, I got to a high place that I had never dreamt of. The view was breathtaking, but the smallest things can cost my whole life; and to jeopardize; to pull me down from that height.

I was walking on the tightrope, trembling, stumbling, shakier than ever.
I wasn't cautious enough.

My dreams seemed like something that didn't belong to me anymore. It felt like a script that I have to learnt by heart for all of my life. How can I describe it? I was pulling off a show in front of the world.

To fool whom?
Myself, and myself only.

I thought at least my smile wouldn't be fake, but I was wrong. I hated smiling, after being forced to smile for so many times, despite the anger and despair hidden inside.
Nothing is heartfelt anymore.

I was then having a hi-touch event with my fans. They told me about their dreams.
How silly, I snickered.
You will soon find out what's waiting for you, out there, in the vast world.
And I was once, like them.

One day, when I was shouting the slogan "Hello. I am Kino, your happiness provider", I stopped smiling. I collapsed.
Of course, everyone left me, thinking that my image was fake. No fan meetings, no concerts, nothing. The group of girls that used to wait for my appearance outside my company was nowhere to be seen.

That's reasonable.
Who would want a broken toy?

But a new girl approached me, and whispered,
"You don't have to share your happiness; nor sell your smile like a product to me."

"We can create them, together."

[never know, never sure, how far we could fall; never know, will you catch me if i should fall? hand in my hand, and you promised, to never let go... ] —— Tightrope, Michelle Williams.