Red and Black (A Harlivy Story)

Chapter 21: You are everything

The pair stood, watching each other intently, not knowing how to break the ice. Ivy couldn't look Harley in the eye; not because of her betrayal, but because of Pamela's vulnerability. She couldn't face it. She couldn't face losing her.

"Red" "Harls", they both said simultaneously while stepping closer together. Ivy rubbed her left arm, unable to stay still. She opened her mouth but immediately closed it, unable to form the right words. Slumping her shoulders, she walked towards the kitchen counter, turning her back to the blonde. She need to keep some distance between them if she was going to have to open up. Harleen could see that Ivy was distressed. She wanted to comfort her, but she was frozen. She couldn't physically move.

"Why did you stay?" Pamela asked with a slight tremble in her voice, "Why didn't you go back to him like you always do?"

"Red...I couldn't leave ya. I hurt ya and I let ya down. I wasn't gonna go anywhere. Just. I wanna make it up to ya and I climbed those plants and I heard whatcha' said and...why didn't ya tell me sooner?" The blonde reached out.

Ivy sighed. She didn't know what to say. For a few brief seconds there was silence, yet it felt like an eternity. The silence was deafening for the pair, but it said a lot. It carried the hurt, the pain, the tension in the room. It said more than any of them could have said.

"Harley. What I'm going to say, it isn't easy...for me. I'd never...I didn't want this to happen...I didn't want to tell you...For you to find out..."

The blonde could see the woman trying to hide the pain in her voice. It broke her heart to see Ivy trembling, pouring her heart out. I did this to her. Why? Why would I do this? Ya just gotta mess everythin' up Harley. No wonder Ivy hates me. I hate me.

"You matter to me. A lot. But when you left...I knew that...I knew that I lov...". Pamela couldn't hold it back, she suddenly burst into tears. She felt the warm touch of Harley on her shoulder, but she shrugged her off. Turning around, she faced the blonde, who also had tears brimming in her eyes. She looked down and bit her lip in pain before continuing.

"After what happened to me...what turned me into this...I didn't think it was possible to feel anything. To love something. Someone. But everything was different when I met you. I only realised it when you left...I felt what it was like to live a life without you and I don't what that...I"

"Red, I-"

"I know you don't want this Harls. You don't want me. You want him. But I can't keep repressing myself. My feelings....I can't help it Harls. I can't let go of this feeling that is gnawing at my chest whenever I'm near you. But I'm afraid. I didn't want to tell you because...I didn't want you to leave me...to ignore me... Or worse of all...despise me"

The words shattered Harleen's already broken heart. She did everything that Ivy feared the most. She left her. She left Ivy alone.

"It's killing me Harls. It's killing me because I can't go another day without knowing how to feel about you. I'm not ready to love you, I don't know if I ever will be. Not yet. But what I'm feeling..." She raised her hands to her face and took a shaky breath.

"When you were gone, I tried to figure out why I was so hung up on you. I tried so hard not to...love you, but it drove me insane, more insane than I am already. And I don't want to lose you...Because in this whole screwed up world, you're the only person who's been kind to me."

"Ivy, I know-"

"Do you? Do you really know? Because when we were back in the asylum, and you were my doctor. And although everything back then was blurry for you and...you might have forgotten. But I remember everything about it. Your eyes sparkling in the evening sun, your smile, your nose scrunching trying to hold in a sneeze" Recalling the memories, Ivy chuckled, "Everything. Every instance I've been with you...I've...You don't matter-"

Silence engulfed the room, save for the sniffling that came from both. Ivy stuttered, swallowing hard before finishing her sentence.

"You are...everything" Ivy confessed. She couldn't express properly the extent of her complex feelings towards the blonde. She stumbled, about to say something before she was halted by the warm soft finger pressed on her lips. Harley moved closer; her face now close enough that Ivy could feel the breath of the woman on her cheeks.

"Shh. I know Red. I know", Harley whispered.

Pamela looked up to immediately find honest, tear-ridden blue eyes, filled with unspoken love. Harley wiped a solitary tear that escaped the redhead's emerald green eye. A surge of electricity ran through Pamela's body as she felt the soft brush of Harleen's hand. She knew, there and then, that she belonged with Harley. That she always had.

"I love you Harley"

It was now time for the blonde to stutter. She didn't know what to feel. How to feel. She had never seen Ivy like this, never to this extent. She felt something for her; something that she had never felt for anyone else. Was it love? But she took too long. She was too hesitant, causing Pamela to take it the wrong way.

"I love you Harls, but...I don't think I'll ever trust you. This is why...I just...can't"

Brushing Quinn to the side, she rushed upstairs. At the top, she turned around.

"Do you know what the hardest thing in the world is, Harls?"

Unable to answer, the blonde stood gawping at the woman.

"The hardest thing in the world is to forget...and I can't forget what you did", she stated, before leaving the woman entirely, retreating into her room.

"I...I love ya too Red" Harleen said to a now empty room.