Alive || Muke

Neuf

|| I TELL MYSELF TO GET YOU OFF MY MIND AND YET I THINK OF Y O U || 

as days go by, i begin to hate being in my own skin. i hated the way she felt, her touch, her moans. everything about that night felt so wrong. i couldn't believe i did it. it felt all so foreign to me. i had no idea what to do and it didn't matter if the person was a female or a male. i felt so dirty, so disgusted. all i couild think about was how i didn't want to do this, and how disgusting i felt. 

the pain in my heart was unbearable. i was never the type to feel much -- people always thought i was quite heartless; if only they could see me now. tired was not the proper would to describe how i felt right now. everything felt like it was piling up on me and everything hurt so much. just breathing felt like it took so much energy out of me, i could not handle it. i wanted to do nothing more than sleep, but even after a good night of sleep i just felt so tired.

a part of me wished i was normal and was able to live my old life. before hera and zeus entered my life, i didn't have to worry about being the perfect son who had to do everything their parents said to do for a reputation. before i had met hera and zeus, i saw the world slightly more different, especially now that i'm with rebecca. the world was never a beautiful place to me, but now it wasn't just awful, it was disastrous.

simple and beautiful things that i believed were beautiful looked everything but beautiful to me anymore. love and all the amazing things that i believed were going to be the most amazing things in my life were nothing more but bullshit to me now.

"i can't keep doing this," i whisper. my voice cracked, though i could care less. it wasn't like anyone could hear me, or anyone was even here. it was just michael and i. even then, michael was not living. "i feel so trapped, so tired." 

i took a step closer to the sculpture. as perfect as he was, he couldn't love me back and i couldn't keep doing this to myself. i could feel myself being put closer to the edge as every day passes by and it was all because i couldn't love someone human. i did something i longed to do; i kissed michael. i placed my lips against the stone-like material.

i expected nothing in return but did feel something i knew i shouldn't have been able to feel. michael's body was warm, too warm. usually the sculpture wasn't at a hot temperature but nor was it at a cold temperature. the way his lips felt was soft and not rough. even if michael was sculpted so smoothly and so nicely, his lips could not and should not have felt that soft. it was like i was kissing someone human rather than a sculpture. 

i took a step back, afraid. he was no longer stone. he was shining and glowing -- a bright yellow colour. i squinted my eyes, the light was too bright. i felt my adrenaline pumping and it felt like i could almost hear my blood rushing so quickly. i felt scared and confused. it felt like the room was spinning. i had so many questions to ask but there was no one who could answer. 

out walked a man from the bright light. he was pale, his hair a bright red colour. his eyes were the most beautiful shade of green. nothing in this world could be half as beautiful as he. he was slightly taller than i was, wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a black shirt. he was skinny, but not so skinny that you could see his bones sticking out. he had a small tummy, but not one so big that it was was noticeable from first sight.

i had no idea what was happening but all i knew was he was no longer stone.

that he was actually alive.

- - - 

Six more chapters till the book ends and I'm like wtf right now because this book is actually my favourite to write but I put so little time in it before and ugh