Going Back To You

04.

I think that is where it all began – our escapade to Jasir's house. My father found out I had snuck out, I was so engrossed by the boy holding my hand that I never realized the security guard was standing right there. I was grounded for a month, I wasn't allowed to step out for anything but school, and Appa took upon himself the burden to drop and pick me up too.

I hated Appa, I remember how I kept cursing at him under my breath, praying to any God willing to listen to put some sense into his head. But Appa's will was stronger than any God, he was a demon incarnate, he wouldn't go down without a fight. Unfortunately for Appa his rival was a 12 year nerd boy, ready to tackle any unreasonable, conservative structure.

Arin had heard from my classmates about how I had been locked up at home and apparently was furious. "What is wrong with having muslim friends? How can his father lock him up for that?" I always wondered where he got such confidence from, honestly, it was only because of him that I was locked up. Arin must have realized it too, for he decided to fight against my father in his own way - "if you can't come out, I'll come to you." Afternoons became late nights, small talk and awkwardness became lengthy conversations. From my feelings of hatred and annoyance towards Arin was born friendship. This was the beginning.

I should have taken it as a sign, when I was no longer bothered by his patronizing smile, when I waited for his cheeky sarcastic remarks, when I started to want to see more of him and when I wanted to spend more time together...I should have realized then. It is obvious to me now, what I wanted was not mere friendship and what I felt was not platonic. But I had always been a dull aloof boy tuned to conservativeness, any new emotion I felt that was out of the ordinary invoked fear within me, and then I spent the rest of the time persuading myself to realize that I was but fooling myself, that was no other than a boy who wanted his father's approval.

As I entered the depths of teenage, the disparity between the feelings of my heart and the logic of my mind only grew larger.

I think I was 14? Maybe 15? When I first noticed my father's disapproval towards Arin. He had heard from my mother, who had heard from the community gossip about the fantastic feats the now regular visitor at our house had achieved. Ranging from being a top ranked student for 3 years in a row to disrespecting teachers and questioning traditions, leaving everyone confused whether to admire or hate him. But for Appa disrespecting traditions meant disrespecting oneself and he couldn't tolerate it. Sneering glances, grunting at Arin's smart remarks and scoffing when Amma began to take a liking towards Arin because he turned out to be a master at housework unlike me.

Arin was a storm, taking over my life, destroying everything that I had held onto previously, but I wanted more. He was replacing old worn out parts of my life with more bright and fun times and I wanted him to be in my world longer. Appa had realized, he had seen through my heart much before I could make sense of it. Maybe that's why our fate turned out this way. Not a day goes by where I don't think to myself how destiny would have taken it's course had I been true to myself.

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A/N: Remember, this is a collaboration between I and my co-writer, Merakioni . Please, go and support this story which is up on her profile as well!