𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞 𝟖, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟗
"Got everything?" Izzy asked me before locking the door. I nodded taking my suitcase to the car. Today marks 5 years since my mother's death. It was also the most content i've been on this day. I wasn't extremely sad, I was happy. Happy that my mom is in a better place.
I would say Israel had a lot to do with that. After he came back from his moms place a few days ago, and we .. you know.. he's been better. I've been better too.
"Nope, you driving." I laughed as I seen him walk to the passenger side.
"No i'm not. It's yo' city."
"It's yo car." I mocked his accent. He rolled his eyes and smacked my bottom before walking over to his side. He unlocked the doors before getting in.
He had planned a small get away for my birthday and included me seeing my mother's grave. All the more reason for me to adore him.
"Still wanna be a doctor?" He asked randomly. I looked up from my hands in confusion.
"What do you mean?" I asked him. He gestured to my hands that were clasped in my lap.
"Oh. I didn't really plan on going but it would be nice to."
"Why can't you?"
"The amount of money to even go to school for anything in the nursing field is way too much." I chuckled, shaking my head. It was ridiculous. School should not cost so much.
"I'll pay for it."
"No you can't. I can't let you."
"Nobody lets me do shit. I do what I wanna do and if I wanna pay your way for school, I will." I just looked at him, knowing he was going to shut me down. Once he had his mind made up, there was no going back.
"Okay."
"So get to looking." He pointed to my phone.
-
"Hi mommy." I said lowly. I just finished cleaning around her grave and placing her fresh new flowers in the flower pot.
"Five years." I chuckled a little, sitting crisscrossed. "Did not think I would make it."
I picked my head up looking around seeing other families visit their lost ones. Izzy was in the car giving me my moment.
"I finally left. It took so much for me to, after all I put up with but I left momma. I just couldn't take it anymore. I found my way innMemphis and boy how my life had changed for the better." I chuckled, picking with the grass.
"I met this guy. He helped me the first night I was there." I smiled. "He's definitely the bad boy. But he's so sweet at the same time you know? Like he truly wants the best for me. And I want the best for him."
"There is absolutely nothing I could do to repay him for everything he's done for me. Except loving him more than anyone has ever. He's just as damaged as me momma." I laughed a little. "I know you probably see him acting like his shit is together but we're one in the same. We complete each other."
"We've both been hurt by people who are supposed to love us unconditionally. Happen to be our parent. I have to give him his own family. His own kids who he can show real and true love to. As well as I will. I will love those babies with everything in me and never ever put them in fear of me." I said really in thought of the future Israel and I could have together.
"I know i'm talking out my behind but I feel it mama. I know he's the one. I'll marry and have kids with. Only after I finish school and get a good run in my career. Oh, he even said he'll pay for my school tuition." I smiled, tearing up thinking about exactly how much I cared for Israel.
From the moment he laid eyes on me, cleaning me up, paying for my hotel, killing the first people that tried to harm me, I knew I was forever safe.
"I think I love him mama." I cried a little more. I couldn't believe I was saying this.
"With love you have to be certain so i'm gonna rephrase that. I know I love him. I will always love him." I sniffled and looked up at the sky. "God how I wish you were here to meet him mama. He's not perfect but I would never ask him to be. I accept him exactly how he is. Good, bad, ugly. I loved it all. He can be completely himself around me."
"I miss you so much." I kissed my fingers then placed them on her tombstone. "Until we meet again mama."
-
