Sanders Sides One-shots

Late Night Thoughts - Demus

tw: Implied self-harm, violent thoughts.

Summary: Remus can't sleep and as a result of that Janus can't either, Janus realizes what is going on and decides to help his boyfriend in the best way his sleepy self can think of.

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Janus closed his eyes trying to fall asleep, but it was impossible, he felt how Remus would move around constantly changing his position, it was driving him crazy, but he decided to not say anything and continue to try and fall asleep, after a few minutes of trying to, he gave up "Remus..." he whispered in an obviously annoyed tone of voice.

"Sorry, Dee Dee, I can't sleep..." he apologized in his normal speaking voice, he didn't even bother to whisper, this made Janus' ears hurt, he had already gotten used to the silence in the room, only eventually hearing the wind hit the trees outside making relaxing noises and Remus' breaths every once in a while "Hey, Dee!" Remus said loudly breaking the silence he had once allowed to exist "What do you think would happen if I rip my heart out of my chest?"

Janus managed to let out a small "Oh..." he now understood what was going on

"Or what face do you think Roman would make if I were to put poison in his food? Or what about-?"

"Honey," Janus began sleepily "is that why you haven't been able to sleep?" He questioned

"Yeah! Maybe, I don't know!" Remus cheerfully replied, he acted as if his intrusive thoughts didn't bother him, but Janus knew they did, he had been there comforting him when he would start crying and asking if he was a bad person, scared of hurting someone he cared about, scared of himself, it broke Janus' heart, Janus always noticed how when Remus would stare at a sharp object his eyes would widen as if he were surprised by the thought that just went through his head, or when he asked him to cook together he would just watch Janus, too scared to touch anything and accidentally hurt him, he knew how Remus felt...

"My dear..." Janus softly spoke, "Would you do me a favor and hug me?" Remus was taken aback from this request, especially in a moment like this, but he certainly couldn't deny something like this to his boyfriend, he turned to his side and grabbed Janus' waist hugging him close "Now, tell me more about your intrusive thoughts"

"Why?" Remus whispered confused, Janus was glad he whispered it otherwise that would've hurt considering Remus was right next to his ear

"It'll help you..."

"Are you sure you want to hear all those awful stuff?" Remus asked softly

"Yes, I am sure, love, you were telling me anyway"

"...True" Remus admitted, he quickly gave up, he talked about his intrusive thoughts for what seemed for at least fifteen minutes, he talked about how his brain kept telling him to hurt himself or others, how it kept telling him to do awful things he genuinely doesn't want to, Janus tried his best to stay awake, he felt so tired, but he didn't want to just sleep and leave Remus like this, so he listened to Remus ramble until he heard a yawn and Remus not bothering to continue his sentence, Janus smiled knowing Remus had probably stopped talking out of tiredness, he turned to look at his sleepy boyfriend and kissed him in the head whispering a small "I love you" as he buried his face in Remus' chest ready to fall asleep.