2. Just Trying To Live Again

Just A Poem

27.07.20

I think it's time to tell you

The secret that I keep

The part of me that I hate

The trauma I have faced

You've read through my book

I've hinted at the bad

Never telling you the worst

It's just so hard to move on

Too accept what they've done

My past keeps haunting me

And now it's getting harder to write

I want to end the book here

No note

Just a poem

Because you see I'm a victim

I've been abused

I've been manipulated

I've been let down

My trust has been broken

By the people I trusted the most

I've been pushed down

Forgotten

Thrown around a room

My mind messed with

I learned to put up walls

Not making any sudden moves

Hiding true feelings

Repressing all unwanted emotions

You honestly don't know half of the abuse

I'm not lying when I say I should be dead right now

I tried too hard to die

But no matter how many pills I took

Or how deep I cut

Strangling and beating myself

I was forced to live

I've seen people change

I've seen people move on

I've seen people stuck in the past

I've seen people laugh

I've also seen them cry

Moving on from my past is so hard

You don't understand

That was a whole way of life

It happened all the time

My mind won't let me forget

No matter how hard I try

It's so hard to tell people

It feels like a burden

Feeling stuck in the past

With no way forward

I'm so sick of always being manipulated

It hurts me so much

Even if you don't realise it

They say the bravest thing I've ever done

Was to continue living

But I feel like writing all these poems

Full of deep meaning

Was braver by far

Than not dying