i don't want to live in a world without you

Chapter 7

They let Byleth rest for several days, as she tries to adjust to her body again. Being inactive and in some sort of stasis for five years has definitely taken its toll on her, so she spends most days in her father's room, with him helping her walk and move around, and bringing her her meals. It is regrettable that they finally have some time alone together, and yet she is too tired to make the most of it, but she knows better than to push herself.

After what has happened to her, she should be dead. The fact that she is not is a miracle all on its own, a miracle she has encountered before, when she charged headfirst into vengeance. She should have died back then too, and she didn't, and she should have learned her lesson back then, about rushing into things. If she is going to remain at her father's side, she has to be a little more cautious about things.

Of course, she still intends to aid Edelgard in the war, and she would never go back on the promise that she made her, but she will have to be careful. She has to protect her father, like she swore to all those years ago, and in order to do that, she has to protect herself. So she has to take things slowly, until she feels ready to resume her regular life.

In the meantime, she spends her waking hours terrified of falling asleep again, because if she does, she fears she won't wake up this time, or might find herself further into the future, and that she will not be as lucky when she wakes up again, that everyone will have died in her absence, because she was not there to protect them. If not for her exhaustion, she would never sleep, but it's impossible to fight it off in her current condition, and whenever she wakes up, still wrapped in Jeralt's arms, she pulls herself closer to him to reassure herself that this is real, and that they are back together at last.

Until she can't contain herself anymore, and does not worry for her recovery or her exhaustion. She has been recovering fairly well recently, and was even able to walk to the dining hall to eat dinner the night before, so now that she has him to herself, she forgets resting entirely. They have been apart for so long, longer in his mind than hers, and she can't imagine how he must feel when she already feels like she is losing her mind from it.

Her exhaustion has helped keep her mind hazy for a while now, but as it begins to clear, she can no longer fight off her desire. Byleth pulls Jeralt into a long and passionate kiss one morning, just after he has woken up, and by the end, he is on top of her and has her pinned down. His chest moves with each heavy breath, and he hesitates for a moment.

"What am I doing?" he mutters. "I need to let you rest, this is hardly the time for..."

"I feel fine," she says, and it is not entirely a lie. "At least, I feel fine enough for this."

"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to push you too far when you just came back to me, and I...I can't lose you again, I can never lose you again," he says, his voice becoming more desperate as he speaks. Before she'd disappeared, she had never seen him like this, and now, he seems so fragile to her, even more fragile than he'd seemed on his death bed, as Manuela did all she could to bring him back to her.

Byleth's supposed death did more harm to him than his near-fatal wound, and that is why she has to do this now, and show him, prove to him , that she is here with him, and that she is never going to leave his side again.

"I'm not going anywhere," she says. "You're not going to be able to get rid of me like that again."

"Ha ha," he says, without any feeling in his voice. "You know you can't actually promise me that in the middle of a war, and when you're already so...I can't be without you! I already know what it feels like to lose you, and even so, I don't know what I'd do without you. Byleth..."