When I was five I learned to read . Books were like a privilege to me . White pages , black ink and new worlds in each one . When I was mine I learned how to ride a bike . And this too , opened up my eyes to a new world I could have explored on my own . When I was thirteen I learned that I was fat . My dad had told me , pointing on the insides of my thighs and my upper arm with the corner of his gaming console. We were playing call of duty . I remembered I was happy and flushed with excitement . " You'll need to watch that" , he'd told me . " Men don't like fat women."
Even though I knew that this wasn't true . There'd be men who love and respected me , I carried the words my dad had told me like a prophecy . I then leaned how to diet and of course , how to cheat on diets. I learned to feel sad and ashamed . I learned how to not look myself in the mirror and to cringe away from mens glances .
I knew how to tense myself for the insults I knew that was coming . There were a lot of words to describe me - funny , kind , smart . But the word I picked and the word I believed people picked for me was fat . When I was sixteen , I went out into the world fully expecting to be shot at , but determined that I wouldn't get shot down . I made lots of wonderful friends and fell in love with a man I thought would love me .
Now at eighteen I learned that there are much more terrible stuff than not liking your thighs or your butt . And altogether , I learned that there is comfort in reaching out to your friends and family . Comfort in asking them for help . I realized that I am vauled and that I'm never going to be smaller in size . Even if my story doesn't have that Hollywood perfect ending where I become extremely thin . But one day , one god damn day ...I'll have my prince charming . I'll have a daughter and I will teach her that it doesnt matter if you're fat or thin ; you are beautiful and you are loved and there will be guys in this world that wouldnt see that , but know your standards and never let your crown fall . You are beautiful .
The Truth is - I'm alright . But I do self harm. I carve negative stuff into my skin . I try to love myself and my body but it's hard. I wonder if Lucifer loves me . .. Philip sure didnt .
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You guys loved this chapter ? Please remember to vote and comment . Also next chapter has a lil trigger warning with cutting and depression . Feel free to skip and pm me to know what happened if you want. This chapter was a little short I know.
YOU ARE READING
Purchased By Lucifer
Teen Fiction"so I'm purchased?" Lucifer smiled , "yes honey , I would more likely to say your a purchased Wife "
