Temporary High

Chapter 2: Foster Care

I remember it as if it was yesterday. As they dragged me away from my mother I had a very interesting feeling. It wasn't exactly joy nor sorrow. It's hard to explain after all I was only 4 but even then I had a feeling that this moment would never leave me. You see my mother didn't have any real feeling showing on her face, she didn't seem to care as I screamed for her " Mommy, Mommy" she didn't even seem to be blinking - Just staring. Even at 4 I know I wasn't wanted. So after the second " Mommy " I stopped and stayed quiet with just a few hiccups between silent sobs. As her face haunts my mind, little did I know that was the last time I would see her face.

Part of me was glad but another part didn't know where I was going and who these people were. But I stayed quiet and just watch the world pass by though the window. Then we turned into a neighborhood it was one of the nicest homes I would be in. Well it was my first home and they always say first timers usually get lucky.

As we approach the house I start wondering what's going on and before I could say anything.
One of the guys up front said

"Well-uh- Rose here is your new home"

mY nEw HOME?!?!

"uhhhh huh"

"Yeah these is your new foster home"

"Foster home?"

"Yeah you have foster parents that take you in and take care of you and maybe they will want to adopt you"

"-adopt me?"

"Yeah like be your new parents"

"Like my mom was?"

"No sweety, good parents who take care and love you"

"Love me? What's that?"

The guy stared at her for a moment the cleared his throat and said "They don't hurt you and give you a warm happy feeling inside"

"Oh uh okay, uh and why are they become my parents?"

"Because your mom wasn't good at being a parent so you had to be taken away"

"Do I get to see her?"

As I said that one of their phones went off and they answered it

"Oh. I see. Okay. Should we tell her? Okay will do."

He hung up and turns to me

"To answer your question, no you won't be see your mom anytime soon... She's died- I'm so sorry."

"Dead? Like dad? Was it that same way? How did she do it?"

"Yes. Like your dad. Do you know how he died?"

"Yeah mom killed him will he slept. That's why I don't sleep"

"-Jesus. You don't sleep, wow. But yes yes your mother killed him. Even with that I feel like your far to young to hear about the evils people do."

"Pleaseeeeeeee, or I can guess? She had a pattern-" wow I'm already using her in the past tense. "-let's see, uh what's the quickest way...She slit her throat?"

He just stared for what felt like a hour and the just nodded but didn't say other word. Got out of the car and opened the door for me, I jump down and follow them to the door. They knock and a women comes to the door and tell us to come in.

Everything is to overwhelming and my mind goes blank and I just go by my instincts. The men wish us a goodnight and the women leads me to the bedroom I'll be staying in. Gives me a pair of pajamas and said it was late and we would talk in the morning and get to know each other better.

Well I had no intention of staying here long. This felt wrong, why must I be here of all places? So with the pajamas untouched I sat on the bed and stared at the wall till it felt like it was very late and I made my escape. It all happened so fast I don't even remember going down the stairs and outside but here I was. Not knowing exactly where to go I just started walking and walking till my little legs hurt like no other and found a bench, curled up and sleep.

I was abruptly awoken and as I opened my eyes the women that was now my foster mom staring back at me, and she yells

"What where you thinking? Your four and you ran away. What if something would have happened to you? It hasn't even been a day and your already doing shit like this! This is beyond my power. I won't stand for a child like you. I'm calling social services and getting you a new foster home."

That's how it all began going from one foster family to other. Some I would last a week, some a few weeks, some months but it always ended the same way the last one did and I was off again. Soon it become a game. Every time I was taken from other home I had a meeting with my social worker. He always gave me the same look, amused but also disappointed. He felt bad like most people do when they hear about me. He wanted me to find a home. Me on the other hand was glad to be able to jump from one home to other never putting roots down.

It was like that for 25 homes, but of all the houses the 25th one took the cake for inflicting the worse pain and trauma and the longest I had ever stayed in a foster family. I was 6 and ready to ruin another chance of having a family. They were nice and kind at first. But they turned from warm to cold insanely fast.

This foster home didn't foster kids out of the kindness of their hearts they did it for the money. They could care less about the kids. They would trip me going up the stairs, push me down the stairs, put me in time out for hours on hours for doing the littlest of things, lock me outside to sleep, "forget" to feed me sometimes.

But my foster parents had two biological sons, one was in middle school, while the other was in high school. The middle school son was okay, but the high school son he took a liking to me and not in a good way. It started out as him just showing me porn, and me not understanding what it was and just seeing what my mom use to do with strangers. But soon he started to try and get me to do stuff with him. First he pulled his dick out to show me. The next time he told me to touch it, I poked it.

After that he told me to put my hand around it, and move my hand up and down, I griped it to hard and he said "not so hard baby" in between moans then he cum...then told me to follow him to clean up...but the time after that it was worse, much worse. He told me to take my pants off. I didn't want to, so he did it instead and with a tug he pulled my pants and underwear off with it. I didn't like how he was looking at me, I wanted to run but I was glued to the spot. He pulled his pants down and then come over to me and picked me up, sat on the bed at then set me down on his- then I blacked out i heard were goans, and I heard agonizing cries coming from deep within my throat the pain didn't go away it kept going and going I felt like a doll and before I realized I had stop crying, I just feel emptiness. The pain stayed but my vision had come back. I was staring at the high school kid, I felt something going down my leg and I see a pool of blood forming. As the high kid kid would later say I fell on a fence and that's why I was bleeding and no one cared enough to look into it and it was dismissed has just that; me being clumsy.

Everything after that doesn't exist, after that I was empty. Not long after I turned 7. Yet again a pair of social workers came knocking but this time with an actual family that wanted to adopt a kid like me more or less. Wait? A kid like me? Why? Later I would ask them why me? They would just say " something was tugging at us and we finally listened and now we have you, our adopted daughter. We love you" and they did. I had that feeling that that social worker long ago had told me about. But there was still something keeping me from saying it back, something deep inside where my damaged soul was at. Something that hurt to even think about.