Temporary High

Chaper 4: The Day It Begin

I've never seem my parents like this. I could see the sorrow and... No not them too, the pity. The pity for poor old Rose, boohoo. Fuck off. I thought we had made progress. Well we did but me being who I am I made us step 10 steps back....back to where we started.

So as they tell me that they had contacted a school that helps kids like me. kIdS LiKe mE?!?! I couldn't hear anymore I ran back to my room and ran to my bathroom and open the top drawer and felt under it till I found what I wanted my razer, a razer blade I keep for when I needed to remember I was human and pain can happen to me.

The problem was it never worked, I sometimes become so numb that I don't feel as I slice at my skin, a cut here, a cut there. I never cut never deep so the evidence of the abuse to myself wasn't obvious. 

Then I start a bath and feel a light sting from all over my body. I stay in there for what feels like hours. After sometime I decide to get out and see how the cuts look.

I look at them and feel nothing I dab a towel on my body and then get some new clothes and head back to the kitchen to finish talking about this school with them. As I had assumed they were still sitting at the island staring at nothing, spacing out. I walk up to the opposite side of were they were sit at the island and say

"Have you guys been thinking about this a lot or just recently with my behavior?"

As if broken from a trance my dad said

"In the past it had crossed our minds, you do know we only want the best for you"

My mom adds

"Yes as your father is saying we want the best for you and I know it all sounds scary, but it's a very nice school. It's private and very high end, with all the best things a school can offer. It's just boarding school but nicer"

I hold back an eye roll and say

"I'm not scared, nervous sure but scared no. I know you guys only have my best interests at heart."

They give me a sober look

"Yes sweety that's exactly where our hearts are at, we love you."
I really want to say it back but I just can't, they don't seem to notice, and keeps talking.

"We have pulled you out of your old school and we're going to your new school tomorrow to see in person what it's all about."

"-alright"

"Before anything- you need to know we're not sending you away. You'll be able to come home on weekends and holidays and really went ever you want. You'll still have a car and they let you leave. You just have to sign out. It's not a jail or prison. Your not trapped. The school is close to a little city village. It's almost like college you could say."

"Okay thank you mom and dad. I feel much better with this decide you made."

If they felt the sarcasm rolling off of me, they didn't say anything.

Instead they got up. Came over to me and hugged me tight- then my mother kisses my forehead and with that they left the room. With only my mind now to keep me company, the wheels start spinning to figure out how to get out if this one.

But then like a big truck it hits me, how bout if I just go with it. Not try to find a way out. Maybe I'll get the actual help I need. What if this a giant step to come to terms with everything. This time I was going to be optimistic about this situation. Maybe a lot can be gained from this experience. I mean my mom did say it wasn't a jail of any sort, I hope she was telling the truth.

I don't think I'm that crazy. But I can see why some people do think I'm crazy. I mean I think some believe I should be bat shit crazy or doing some outrageous thing. But no; life goes on and you have to move along with it sadly.