Lollipop

Episode

 
  "I think she dead ? She's not moving. I can barely see her breathing."

  "Nah,she got shot close to the heart. You think just sleeping can kill her ? She too stubborn to die until the time comes."

  "Well, remember the last time when she stopped breathing."

  "That's because she was out cold . That night she drank a lot."

  "Oh, explains why."

    I slowly was waking up to the voices that was bothering me. I lazily open one eye to see who. I moan and turn around to only find my bodyguards surrounding me. I pull the covers over my head.

   "What the bloody hell is happening? Are we doing a meeting or what? Get the fuck out!"

  "Well,get the hell up? You made plans with your sister."

  "It's early. I'm also waiting til my mum goes to tea time. I don't want to see her early in the morning and put on my non-existent mood. So go away ."

  "Is one in the afternoon early for you? Get up! You slob."

  "Oh." That all I said for me to get up and get dress. I firstly took a shower. When I got out,I look to the mirror to fix and straighten out my suit. My bodyguard came behind me and fixes the collar around my neck. I know he's going to tell me something. The silent tells it all.

  "Look,(Y/N). I know you hate talking especially lectures but it's for your own good. You are barely twenty-two. You need to stop doing this. Go back to school and study something. You can become someo-"

  I cut him off. I didn't want to hear it anymore. They know why I can't. There's no need to tell me these words.
     "If I quit then there will be no job for you. Or if you're telling me that you want to quit then might as well get the fuck out. I don't need this crap." I angrily said. I hate to be cold-hearted  especially when he was by me my whole entire life. I just fixed my own collar and walked off . My other bodyguards follow me. They know I'm angry so they don't bother.
   We walked down stairs and got into the car
This drive was extra quiet. It felt like they were all in together to say those things to me. It piss me off even more to tell me what's the right thing to do. Fuck them. Fucking pansy. The driver avoided eye contact with me. He was scared that with one look of me,he would go blind.
   As the drive went on,I slowly calm down. I pace my breathing that I didn't realize. I soon felt a guilt in the pit of my stomach. Bitch. My mind is doing it again.Cold-hearted. Selfish. Crazy. Worthless. Nobody. Uncontrollable. A freak.
    My breathing got uneven. I couldn't control it. I started to pant then slowly suffocating. I was gasping for air. I started to cry hard. A panic attack. My bodyguard panic. They had to pull over to try to control me. I was banging the windows and seats.

   "Open the door!" He said as he leads me outside. I was screaming, yelling and crying. I was having my episode again.

  "(Y/N),look at me. Breathe. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Calm down. It's me. I've been protecting you since age fourteen. We been through this . We can get over it if you can just breathe for me. Okay." he said. He put his hands on my face so I can just focus on him. I still keep gasping for air slowly. "Can someone get me her medicine for fuck's sack. Why the fuck are y'all hired for? Fucking wankers! Can't you see she's having an anxiety attack,you fucks!"

  They quickly ran to get it as he still calms me down. I started to scratch my arms like it were itching. "Stop. I'm here. I won't let anyone call you names." He already know what's going on in my head. They came with my medicine. I cried aloud. I scream as if I was being murder. I hold myself, shakily. He put a pill in my mouth as he pulls me close to him. He rubs my arm and slowly rock me side to side.
  My breathing slowly went to normal. I was just shaking. My eyesight grew blurry. It felt like it was rolling back. I felt when he pick me up and put me in the back seat. It's been awhile since I get like this. It's this place that's sickens me. London. East side. Everything in this place. Maybe it's the world itself that ruins me. Or it's just simply me.