i'm venting but i won't say i'm fine cause i honestly don't know if i am or not. this is gonna be all over the place. there are so many things that are going on that i can't process and i don't know what to do. nothing seems to work out for me. the only good thing that's going on right now is that i got a new job so i get to leave my house for a while and i get paid more than 7.25 so when i decide to move out i won't be out of pocket. i've been so angry. at the drop of a dime i get upset and i don't know why. for 3 weeks i've cried until my heart hurt. i don't wanna feel like this anymore. i can't go to school because of covid and that's normal but i wanted to go.. i can't be stuck at home.. i need to be around people. i need to see someone other than my parents. this guy who tried to talk to me and my friend at the same time said that he wanted to build a future with me and i rejected him because he's an idiot and a manipulator and i have a father for a manipulator so i don't really wanna deal with 2 of them. i want a boyfriend but i can't find the strength to even go out in public other than walmart.. i come home from work and i go in my room and don't come out unless i'm needed or want food. i'm up at all hours of the night. i have this blank board expression on my face that i can't change. i can see how i feel in my eyes when i smile. what's wrong with me? sometimes i just wanna punch a hole in the wall and scream. i can't remember the days passing. i can't remember what happened the last day i went to school.. i don't know who i am.. i don't like feeling this way.
