The Toxic Wasters

19. Castle on a Cloud

Trigger Warning:
Mentioned abuse

-3 years ago-

After visiting his mother, Levi mentioned wanting to find a therapist. Eren had been compiling a list of potential therapists over the years, some in town, and some hours away. Levi chose someone only fifteen minutes away: Dr. Rico Brzenska.

Even though he was the one to suggest therapy, the moment he stepped into the office, he panicked. He could barely open up to his boyfriend; how could he talk to a complete stranger? So he begged her to allow Eren in the room while she questioned him. When she agreed, he curled into Eren's side and any question she asked was responded with a wordless nod of his head.

Then Dr. Brzenska started questioning where his red-eyed shadow was; if it were in the room them, or blinked from existence for the moment. It hadn't been there all day. But it was there during his next appointment. He hadn't brought Eren along, knowing he couldn't depend on him for everything. But regret ran its course through his veins as he felt the shadow loom over him throughout his appointment. He kept his head down and muttered out his answers. Tried to keep his anxiety at bay. Tried to keep his mind from spiraling.

The moment he stepped back through the threshold of their home, he latched onto Eren like his life depended on it, and didn't let go for hours. Not that Eren was complaining. They lazed the day away, stretched out on the couch and letting some stupid show play on the television until Levi's eyes drifted close.

His next sessions were always with Eren, whether he were in the room or waiting in the hall. Having near comforted Levi and eventually he gained the courage to tell Dr. Brzenska more.

It took Levi months of sessions to spill much about his family. But once he did, the flood gates opened wide. As soon as the sessions began, he'd tell any traumatizing memory to his therapist.

Levi couldn't recall a single decent memory with his father. But he could remember the smell of alcohol wafting throughout the house and the gruff voice that had Levi hiding in the corners of his room. Levi learned quickly silence is safe. The loud and happy families on television weren't his. He wasn't apart of a picturesque family... and he never would be. No matter how many times he woke up with hopes of a different life or prayed his dad wouldn't find him hiding in the shadows... nothing went his way.

But when his mother was home, he clinged to her side. He went to the grocery store with her, any social events with her friends, and to see Uncle Kenny. And every Sunday, they went to church. Everyone would tell him how much he looked like his mom, pinch his cheeks, and give him caramel candies. Those were his favorite days, when his mother was smiling and laughing as if everything was normal. And everything did feel normal. Afterwards, he and his mom would go out for ice cream. And he always wanted to stay trapped in those moments. But they always returned to the back of his father's hand. But most nights, his mother would crawl into bed with him, kiss the bruises on his cheeks, and he'd kiss her's, and they fell asleep curled together on his uncomfortable bed.

Levi adored his mom. Even when he started school and his classmates distanced themselves from their parents, Levi still gladly accepted every tradition he and his mother shared. She would always be his only friend, so he never let her go.

School was the trigger to Levi's deteriorating mind. His own home wasn't a safe space, and school quickly resembled it. In classes there would be an unexplainable flicker of... something, but Levi always dismissed it as a trick of the light. But one night, curled up alone in bed, Levi saw something with red eyes and undefined features. But he saw a clawed hand reach out to him, and his heart rate spiked like it did everytime his father came home. He tried not to cry, he really did, but when his vision was enveloped by this creature, he screamed.