Blockage (hiatus)

Chapter Ten

The pills in my mouth left behind a bitter, acidic taste as I dry swallowed them.

Across from me, my mother released a low scoff before pushing herself out of the rickety wooden chair. She'd woken up late. Marie and I were set to walk out the door in fifteen minutes and for one brief moment, I'd allowed the horribly naive hope that she'd forgotten to dispense the medicine to blossom.

I should have known better.

Luckily, she didn't linger. Often times she spent her mornings hovered at the door, watching the neighbors and cataloging their lives with a strange obsession. This morning though, after the normal spewing of insults and hatred, she'd returned to her darkened room to drown herself in pain medication.

Something cruel in me hoped her pills tasted as bad as mine.

"Sang," Marie's irritation twisted my attention to her, "Hurry up— I'm ready to go."

She waited by the door with a manicured hand propped on a shapely hip. As I forced my limbs to corporate, I couldn't stop the envy that crested over my chest. Marie had always been beautiful— dark hair and clear skin. The only flaw I could ever pinpoint in her features were the dull, depthless brown eyes that so precisely resembled our mother's. 

The resemblance was enough to force my stare away.

Combined with the dry feeling of the pills still scraping within my esophagus and the oily apprehension my mother's presence always left behind, I suddenly felt sick. There was too much inside of me, too many emotions and I felt ill as they bubbled beneath the surface of my psyche.

As my hand latched on the dirty bronze of our doorknob, I almost gave into the pressure to return to bed and mother's wrath.

I didn't know if I could handle seeing them again. Those boys who came into my life like a whirlwind and with the skill of a hurricane, threw everything I knew into disarray. I'd run from them and I had no idea of how they'd take it— would my fears fall true and their fascination fade? All night I'd tossed in my sleep, stricken with remorse and fear as my mind played out the worst in a never-ending film of regret.

Instead of giving into the dangerous thoughts encircling, I forced my sweaty hand to shut the door in finality.

I have to go to school. She'd kill me if I didn't.

Despite the resolution, my nausea simmered threateningly as we walked to Marie's car. It was enough to override the bitter taste lingering on my tongue as I struggled to force my breathing into a mimicry of calm. I couldn't allow everything to fall apart now. I only had one more year— just one more year until I could be free.

I just had to keep pretending everything was okay.

xXxXxXxXx

Stepping through  Ashley Waters' metal detectors sent another jolt of apprehension coursing through my system.

Retreiving my backpack from the heavyset security guard, it was easier than I could have imagined to slip into the deepest pits of the crowd. Despite my fears of rejection and mental turmoil, a self-distrutive need grew as I scanned the area for familiar faces. Something desperate longed to see Luke's mischievous grin or have Kota's gentle gaze connect with my own.

I took one last furtive glance over my shoulder, aching to see even a glimpse of the boys who I knew I could never have. The result of the action was tragically comedic in its irony.

As I turned my attention back to the path in front of me, my nose bumped into the muscled bicep of a man. Rubbing away the ache, I offered a soft apology, briefly glancing at the boy before I attempted to step around his presence.