Friends with benefits • a/p

Chapter 14

Perrie's POV

                        ~4 months later~

I can't do this anymore.." - I say after a long silence.

"What..?"

"It's over Alex.." - I say and instantly feel my heart shatter into million little pieces. I bite my lip, trying to hold back my tears.

"N-no.. it's not over Perrie.." - he says and I look down.

"It is.. I can't act like everything's okay.."

"No.. it's not but.. we can do it together.. it can't be over yet.."

"I'm sorry.." - I say and stand up, still not looking at him.

"I love you so much Perrie.. please.. this is stupid.." - he reaches for my hand, but I pull it away.

"I need a break from everything.. I love you too.. but this is better for us.."

"I don't want this to happen to us.." - he says, on the verge of tears at this point.

"I'm sorry.. But I need some time off.. We need a break.." 

                                      **

"Here you go" - my mum says as she passes me a glass of juice.

"Thank you" - I say and take a sip.

"Perrie, I'm gonna say it again, you need to tell him.." - she says and I groan.

"Mum can you stop repeating that every ten minutes, please?"

"Okay, I'll stop, but think about it.." - she says, again.

"Okay I will" - I say and look up at the sun.

"Finally, I'll go inside now, shout me if you need anything" - she says and goes back inside.

The past four months have been pretty... lifechanging. I'm five months pregnant. It still feels weird and unbelieveable.

Once the pregnancy test I took came out positive, my mum wanted me to visit a doctor straight away. We did so and it turned out I'm pregnant for real. At first I didn't know if I should keep the baby or not, considering the fact I had broken up with the father hours before I found out I was pregnant.

I decided to keep it. I didn't want to continue living my life wondering what would have happened if I didn't. Plus I've always wanted to become a mother earlier in life, but I never thought it would actually happen since I was never in a serious relationship.

There's one problem though.. He doesn't know he's having a baby. I didn't tell him I'm pregnant. A few days after we broke up, I decided to distance myself from everything that made me stressed. I took a break from my job and went to Newcastle with my mum. I haven't visited my childhood house in years and I missed it. Plus I'm far away from everyone and everything, and I have the opportunity to relax and just rest. I haven't seen or heard of Alex since the day he left my apartment in tears.

Not long ago I found out I'm having a girl. I've been bying clothes and toys with my mum every time we went out, and pretty much I have everything already. I'm just waiting for the remaining 4 months to pass so I can be with my daughter.

My mum has been telling me non stop lately about how I have to tell Alex about the baby. But, how am I supposed to tell him? I can't just go and say, 'Hey I broke up with you, but we're going to have a baby'. It would be so stupid of me. But it would also be really selfish not to tell him. He does deserve to know this, but I just don't have the courage to tell him.