Comatose

13. Torn

❝It's not really letting go of the past that is the problem. It's coming to terms with letting go of a possible future that will never be. That is the struggle. The mind wants to keep its fantasies. Even when they're wrong, unhealthy, dangerous, or even cruel. To let go of the past, you must let go of the future and live in the present.❞

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TRECE:

TORN

Moonlight glided its white fingers across her face as Kaiya traced paths in the night sky with her eyes. A soft breeze approached from the horizon, sliding between tall buildings and empty parks to brush her long hair. She closed her eyes and breathed it in, relishing in its fresh touch before it moved on to greet someone else.

Millions of thoughts filled her mind as she forced her feet to walk and clutched the pamphlet Akashi had given her in her hand. The bright lights of the mall were left behind slowly, making the laughter from groups of friends fade into the background. She walked down a less-busy street, mingling with other faceless passer-by under the flickering stare of lampposts.

Something caught her eye upon crossing the street to continue her walk home, and she stopped. Glancing to Café Noir, she pursed her lips in thought as the idea of a hot coffee suddenly appeared too appealing to ignore. Her eyes flicked towards the few tables she could catch a glimpse of from outside, and a familiar face made her pause and arch an eyebrow.

So that's where you've been.

While Kaiya wasn't about to pry into the life of her friend, she had trouble accepting the fact that Aria was suddenly so cosy with Kagami.

However, she didn't have time to begin pondering about said fact. As she started to debate whether to walk in or not, the door opened and demanded her undivided attention.

His long, masculine form stepped out of the café and into the night. Under the watchful stare of the stars, his navy-blue hair almost looked like an extension of the sky itself.

As always, an instinctive reaction shook her from head to toes. Yet she stood her ground, lifted her chin and hardened her features as the man strode towards her. By the way his gaze remained on the ground, it was evident he had not noticed her presence yet.

Kaiya did notice the lack of energy radiating from him; perhaps in the way he moved, or maybe in the way his form slouched slightly. In all the years she spent by his side, she had never seen his confidence sway or his light dim out.

When Aomine finally noticed her standing in the middle of the street, her resolve attempted to leave her body. Holding on to that feeling of torment his words had brought back to her bleeding heart, Kaiya bit the inside of her cheek and narrowed her eyes.

Everything crumbled to dust when he opened his mouth.

"Fujiwara."

His deep, husky voice echoed within every nook in her heart and seemed to paralyze every fibre in her body. A wave of sadness coursed through her at the sound of her last name, at the scream of strings breaking and distances growing.

She shook her head and snapped out of it, glaring heatedly into his blue eyes. What was wrong with her? The pain he had inflicted had been the greatest she had ever felt, yet her heart still refused to close the doors fully and kept allowing him to sneak inside.

"Aomine."

Strained, full of contained frustration and anger — her voice was so unlike his. Aomine was observing her with eyes empty of the usual arrogance which shone in them; she almost felt naked under his stare, standing with her soul open for him to read and study. It irked her beyond belief. How could he look so relaxed while there was a whirlwind of emotions beating within her?

But then, something unexpected happened.

It was gone the following second, quick like a shooting star.

With closed eyes and the sketch of a smile playing on his lips, Aomine walked past her. Another breeze slid by, wrapping her in his scent and threatening to intoxicate her. A breathy sigh slipped through her lips as the man slowly moved away, leaving a bigger conflict in her mind.

Which she had only one medicine for.

—

Half an hour after her encounter with her ex, Kaiya was sprawled in her living room. With her legs lying across the glass table and her head against the back of the sofa, she stared at the ceiling with unfocused eyes. The shouts of the commentators as they narrated a basketball game had faded into a distant hum as she let her mind grow intoxicated.

She hadn't even bothered to grab a glass and kept chugging from the bottle of wine. Her attempts to flee to the club were scattered on the floor, forming a mess of lingerie and dresses she didn't feel like picking up.

Kaiya was pissed, angrier than she had ever been — mad at herself. And it showed on her face, like it always did.

"Unbelievable."

She tilted her head towards the open door, realizing her conflicted mind had missed her friend walking in. Her grey eyes met the exasperated expression on Aria's face, before she lifted the bottle. "Join me."

Closing the door with a shake of her head, Aria seemed unsure yet walked over. Kaiya looked away after her friend flopped down next to her, but the bottle remained in her hand.

"You actually ran all the way here. From the mall."

Kaiya shrugged and took another swig. "Your point?"

"Were you in a hurry to get drunk, or what?"

Pointing at the mess of clothes on the floor, she pursed her lips. "I was going out. But... I would've probably punched the first person who approached me in the face. I'm really not in the mood for that crap."

She could tell Aria was surprised, for she spluttered.

"How the fuck did we end up like this, Ria?" Kaiya threw in a fit of growing irritation as she gritted her teeth. "Because of some assholes, or because some part of us refuse to let go and move on?"

There was a pregnant pause, during which Kaiya could almost hear the wheels turning in Aria's head. With a heavy sigh, she closed her eyes and dropped the empty bottle next to her. She just needed to be back in control, to stop giving into her emotions every time she crossed paths with Aomine.

"Our situations are similar in the way we react to them," Aria eventually mused. "We're trying to flee and to stay at the same time; and we hate ourselves because the pain we feel should be enough to drive us away, and yet we refuse to do that. We still hope things will be different this time."

Her words hit the nail on the head and made Kaiya flinch, unable to deny them. It was the reason she was so angry; because of the war taking place between her heart and her mind. While part of her screamed to run away, another voice whispered "stay" and "give him a chance" — it was exhausting.

"We're just fucking idiots." Kaiya clicked her tongue and changed the topic. "I ran into him outside Café Noir, and I was almost expecting another argument. But he just greeted me and left, and for some reason..."

I'm disappointed, she finished mentally; there was no need for her to say it aloud.

Aria gave her a look of surprise before frowning, as if deep in thought.

Standing up, Kaiya cleared her throat and paused. "By the way, I saw you with Kagami."

She noticed Aria tensing up.

"Well, we're friends."

Giving her a knowing glance, she ran a hand through her dark-brown hair and hummed. "If something makes you happy, grab it and make it yours. If it's just filling a void, it will feel like happiness but will only hurt you both in the end."

No more words were spoken, but there was no need.