35.4626 N, 138.6544 E

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LETTER TO THOSE WHO LIVES:

For anyone who will read this letter, I hope it wasn't you Levi. But I supposed you will. And I know I already failed you by writing this letter but you have to know that you're not the reason I'm writing this and killing myself because I have been thinking about it since my parents died.

I went through therapy but it doesn't work on me even though I tried many times attending many sessions and then the idea of smoking weed helps me to resist the pain, forget my emotion, I mean everything! But I no longer want to resist the pain, I want to end it.

When I found out about the suicide forest, I immediately thought that it could be a good place to end the suffering and then you came. I stopped thinking about it for the meantime, you got my interest and you made me happy. You stopped me from the idea of killing myself so don't ever think that I put you into this situation and you're the reason I'm gone because you're not. This is my decision before you even came into my life.

I even stopped smoking weed for you, continue my therapy but I realized again that it is not working for me anymore so I just came pushed through the idea of going to Japan and I'm sorry for bringing you there just to leave you alone. I didn't mean to do that but for the past few months, it's already been done and I'm just waiting for the time to come.

I'm sorry that I keep lying. I'm sorry that I keep saying sorry. 

But you have to know that this is my destiny, this is where I belong and I can't be the person who will be with you forever because that'll be torture for me. I can't live forever with pain. I know you will find someone better, someone who will not give up on you like I did. Someone whose brave enough to get through this. Because after all these years, even though there are people around me, I feel so alone.

You were there, make me feel love, but I'm still alone. And that's the reason I don't want you to see me before our Japan trip, you'll just the worse in me and I'm afraid you will leave me once you see me so when we finally get in Japan, it won't be hard for you to lose me. But I know it won't be easy for you to forgive me.

Don't be like me, be brave. Because this is the only answer for myself.

This is my good bye, unfortunately.

- Lyncoln Cuperty Gray