The Secretary

I Will Always Be There

I sat on the bar stool, Jensen across from me, watching me as I thought about which questions to ask.

"How'd you get me out of the hospital if I wasn't stable enough to leave?" I asked him.

"When you have a boatload of money, nearly anything is possible." He answered honestly.

"How is Jj handling everything?"

"Jj is doing pretty good. She and I have grown closer while you were out if that's what you mean."

"Why were you outside of the hospital when I ran out? I thought you went to get a coffee?"

"I saw you running through the halls of the hospital, and seeing a few nurses chasing you, it was then I signed you out."

"How did you know how to calm me down?"

"Remember when I first met you in a bar all those years ago? You told me how your brother died, you were freaking out and crying, much like how you were when you freaked at the hospital, so I used the same words that I used then, hoping it would calm you down somehow so I could take you home. To my surprise it worked."

I stayed silent as I thought about his answer. He remembered how to calm me down then, and using the same words as he did then, he calmed my nerves. Held me in his arms, soothed me until my fears had left. All my fears and worries and grief left for that short moment wrapped up like a gift in his arms.

"Why," I paused, thinking if I should ask him this question. "Why didn't you let go?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. When we were in the car, when we walked through the door, you held my hand, never letting it go. Why?"

Jensen thought about his answer for a long time, biting his bottom lip as he pondered his mind for the answer.

"I didn't realize until you were gone, but I missed you more than I realized. You and I have been best friends for years, and the year Danneel divorced me, I pushed you away when all you tried to do was help me. So as I watched you lay in that hospital bed, unconscious, and bruised, I couldn't help but think, 'I can't lose you.'" He said, grabbing my hand once again.

"So, is that why you stayed with me?" I asked him.

"That's...part of it yeah. The whole time I watched your lifeless body on that bed, hoping, praying that you would wake up and give me a second chance. A second chance to be your best friend again, to be there for you, just like how all those years you were there for me and I didn't even realize it. Y/n, you have no idea how much I need you in my life. It just took me awhile to recognize that you, y/n, you were the one who has been there for me all those years, and not those girls that I brought back to the office. It was you, it was always you, and I just needed to understand that it would always be you. So as I watched your lifeless body lay there on that bed, I stayed because I knew that I couldn't go back in time to change everything that I had put you through, I stayed because even when I didn't know it, you were there for me, and I wanted, needed you to know, that I will always be there for you." Jensen said, staring at me with an emotion in his eyes that I didn't recognize.

I stared at him not knowing what to say, so I just hugged him and pulled him close. Letting my tears fall onto his shirt as I held him.

His strong arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly, dragging one of his hands up and down my back, just like how he did at my brother's funeral.

I clung to his shirt, just holding onto to him like he was rescuing me out of the dark sea that my tears had created. His hand stopped caressing my back, resting on the back of my head, tangled in my hair.

"I missed you so much, so damn much." He whispered, tugging me closer to him.

"I missed you too." I whispered back, tugging him closer.

Our bodies pressed together, our tears staining each other's shirts. Neither of us making a sound, instead just letting the tears fall as we held onto each other. Clinging to each other as if we were each other's life source.

Jensen let out a quivering breath, and pulled back just enough to plant a small kiss on my forehead. He then stood up and walked over to the couch, and sat down, his head in his hands.

I got up and walked over to him, taking a seat next to him, wrapping my arm around his shoulders. He looked up at me, almost as if he was wondering why I was there.

I pulled my arm off of his shoulders, placing back down in my lap, and looking at the floor. Gosh Jensen, why won't you just let me in?

Almost as if my wish was granted, Jensen grabbed my arm, and leaned back, dragging me with him as he laid his back on the couch. I watched as he made himself comfortable, then dragged me on top of him.

"Jensen.." I said, a little skeptical.

"Shh." He said, pulling me up to his chest. "Just relax." He whispered.

I didn't know whether to go with this, or to jump off of him and run, but if I ran, I knew it would hurt both of us. He and I just remembered each other really, and I couldn't push him away, not like this anyway. Not like how he pushed me away.

I relaxed as I let my legs straighten out in between Jensen's, my head resting on his chest, my left arm curled up, and my right arm draped across his body.

His right hand on my lower back, and his left hand running his fingers through my hair. His chin, resting on top of my head.

It wasn't to long until I let myself relax the tense muscles, and exhaustion taking over my mind. Just as I fell to sleep on top of Jensen, he whispered something, but I was to far gone to hear what he said, and with my mind drained, I fell asleep, wrapped up in his arms, laying on top of him.