Don't Leave Me Here Alone

Chapter Five

The farm was a welcome escape from the threading nerves biting at his muscles. His alarm went off at four in the morning, but he hadn't slept. He'd simply stared at the blank ceiling, replaying the last conversation he'd had with Adam in his head. He still had the gut-wrenching words memorised, even two years later. It had long since passed being something he was embarrassed by; it was just a fact that the worst phone call of his life wasn't going to leave his head any time soon.

The farm was a relaxing place for Riah, even without Adam there to bring a little extra life to it. Tension he was carrying like heavy weights fell from him as he went about the familiar actions of watering the plants and pulling up errant weeds. He fed the cats, checked the various crops and equipment, and set himself up for the day.

By the time dawn was dissolving the navy sky into a baby pink, Riah had managed to push aside the worst of his anxiety. At least, that was the lie he was deciding to tell himself. All that remained was the lightning storm playing across his skin and the itch inside his chest. He thought that if he could just reach his fucking fingers in and scratch the agitation away, he'd feel better.

The old wound had been ripped open during a long night of picking at it like a scab. He was nauseous and scared, sad and lonely. He was seeing Adam tonight, and more than anything— more than his anxiety, more than his pain, more than his fear— he hated that he was excited to see Adam. Riah was excited to be around him, to feel his heat and smell him again, to have a fucking conversation with him. Riah missed Adam so much it was painful, and he fucking hated himself for it.

Shawn was in his kitchen, cooking breakfast, when Riah slammed in after a long morning. He shucked of his boots and hung his coat by the door. He was handed a hot cup of coffee by a smiling Shawn Jackson, which stopped the curse forming on his lips. He just grunted a good morning and slid into a chair. Bacon, eggs and pancakes were placed in front of him. Shawn sat opposite him with a cup of coffee. The bitter smell seeped across the table.

He was wearing Ivy's too-small t-shirt, and it was doing good things for his muscles. Something about it ate at Riah. Shawn arrived for a little while every few months, and the two of them fell into simple domesticity so easily. It hurt him to watch, but that was just another thing he hated about himself. Add it to the fucking list.

"How's farm life, Carnelian?"

"Same as always," Riah answered, voice rough from the cold air. "How's your life of travel?"

"Same as always. Ivy sometimes misses me too much. I do what I can to keep him pleased."

He grasped his coffee cup and raised it to his lips. A small, delicate tattoo of a vine sat wrapped around the skin on his left wrist like a bracelet. Riah had seen the tiny 'C' shaped wave on the back of Ivy's shoulder, and so he figured Shawn's was meant to match. Shawn grinned at Riah from behind his mug.

"Heard you're joining tonight for drinks," he continued.

Riah nodded, not looking up from his food. It was early. He was tired. There was a knot of tension curdling his insides like sour milk. He swallowed, hating that the food tasted like nothing. Shawn was such a good cook, too. At least, he was in comparison to Riah. But that was not exactly a difficult accomplishment, given that Riah could manage to burn cereal if left unattended.

"Well. I, for one, think it's a marvelous idea." Shawn was still holding the mug. "You've been hiding out on this farm for way too long."

Riah grunted again and swallowed a long gulp of burning black coffee. Bitterness swirled through him.

"Do you see him much?"

"Adam? Not as much as I'd like. I don't see anyone as much as I'd like, though."