Don't Leave Me Here Alone

Chapter Nine

Riah stared at the ceiling, listening as Monmouth woke up. There were mumbles and grunts. Someone called for coffee. He thought maybe Adam responded, but the kitchen was all the way on the other end of the factory floor and the response was lost in the echoing ceiling. A door slammed. Footsteps echoed across the floor.

Riah scratched at his ribs, digging his fingernails into the skin. There was a lightning storm of anxiety in his chest and it was growing stronger, crackling across his skin. The pillow beside him smelled stale and dusty with just a trace of Adam.

Even now, two years later, he still had no idea why Adam had broken up with him. It was a useless fact he usually pushed away. Only on the worst nights did he take it out and allow it to tear chunks from him.

The call had been over so quickly.

They had just never spoken or seen each other again.

It had been so simple. Like it wasn't the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life. Like he hadn't sat with his phone in his hand countless nights, convincing himself not to press the green button on a number he knew by heart. Like it hadn't felt like drowning that first month. Like he hadn't missed Adam with every aching breath he took.

After they'd hung up, after Adam had ripped his heart out, Riah had impulsively thrown his cellphone so hard it had simultaneously shattered to pieces and put a dent in the wall. Then, despite the fact it was the middle of the day, he had climbed into bed. He had no idea what the fuck had happened. Ivy had found him eventually. Riah had never told him what had happened, but he knew. Adam must have told Gansey. Ivy hadn't said anything. He had only crawled into to bed beside Riah and held his hand. It was a fumbling sort of comfort.

Riah didn't talk. He was just trying to keep his head up out of the darkness, just trying to survive the gaping, bleeding wound Adam had slashed through his chest. His heart was shattered worse than his phone screen had been.

He was fucking shattered.

He took a shuddering breath and pulled himself back to the present. He still hated thinking about it. Even after all this time. It hurt with the echoes of an old injury. Even healed, his body remembered the scar tissue.

The sun slanted through the window. Slowly, the shadows lightened and a cold November day appeared. He rolled his head lazily over his pillow and stared out at the pale blue sky that reminded him of Adam's eyes. There were no clouds.

Dorian laughed. Ivy cheered. A door shut.

Riah stared up at the ceiling.

Adam missed him. Adam fucking missed him. Adam cared.

Probably.

Maybe.

He had no idea what to do with that knowledge.

He wasn't sure if it mattered. It had been two years. Adam had broken him. Really, properly destroyed him and his heart. He was all healed now. All the pieces glued back together. There was no way he would ever let himself be hurt that way again. Letting Adam be his friend after everything the boy had done to him was playing with fire. He knew that. But there was an inescapable gravity between them; Carnelian-and-Parrish, best friends, them against the world. Gansey when needed. They fell so easily into old routines, into old roles. It was like no time had passed at all. But it had.

Riah reminded himself of the two years he'd been left alone with nothing but grief and mysteries. He banged his fist against the mattress.

"Fuck," he muttered, bringing his wrist to his mouth and biting at the rainbow bracelet he never took off. "Fuck."