I Take It Black

All Up In My Business

Just as I expected, Monday morning my phone was lit. I'd said good bye to Derek as he rushed home to change before heading to work, and turned on my cell. I rolled my eyes and flopped down on the couch to listen to the voice mails my mother had left. If I was smart, I would've waited until after work to listen to them. I arrived already in a foul mood from my mother's blatant bigotry and hypocrisy. The bible didn't say love thy neighbor only if they are the same color as you. It simply commands us to love. Yet, there she was filled with contempt and spewing some of the most hateful things I'd ever heard.

I didn't even call her back. I just texted her saying that it was my life and I'd live the way I chose. The way my phone had been chiming all morning I guess she wasn't happy about it.

By Tuesday morning she'd stopped calling and had taken to texting. I knew her anger was getting real because she hated texting. I didn't respond to those either. Wednesday rolled around and she loosed the family on me. Aunts, cousins, and everyone was texting me. Thursday was my breaking point. I marched out to the parking lot at my job and answered my cell with a loud, "What in the hell do you want?"

"Well hi to you too." My cousin Victoria scoffed like I'd been calling her nonstop for the past twenty-four hours.

"Girl, don't play with me." I was so heated I could've come through the phone on her. "What is so important that you're blowing up my phone?"

"Janet, miss me with the attitude. I'm just making sure you're ok. No one could get a hold of you. I was making sure that white boy hadn't chopped you up and stuffed you in the freezer." She laughed and I had to bite down on my lip to keep from cursing her out. "I can't believe my little cousin is no longer taking her coffee black."

"You know what...I'm hanging up now." I didn't know what pissed me off more, her laughing at me or the fact that I'd made that same joke when I first met Derek.

"Hang up and I'll..."

I clicked off her threat mid-sentence and didn't try to analyze the vindication I felt in doing so. She had the nerve to call me right back. I sent her to voice mail and called my momma. The nonsense had to stop. The phone barely completed a full ring before she snatched it up hurling accusations and insults in my ear. "Today must be my lucky day. The high and mighty has finally decided to return my phone call."

I took a deep breath and prepared for the worst. God, I wished I had one of those moms who could be supportive and loving instead of controlling and manipulative. Don't get me wrong, she loved me and supported me, as long as I was living how she wanted me to.

"I told you if you get your life together God would send you a man. Now, you out there acting all desperate, being the white man's toy."

"Mom, it's not even like that."

"It's always like that. Yes, they smile in your face and play nice, but as soon as something goes down their true nature shows."

"Mom, please..."

"Girl, stop it. Just stop it. He can't love you the way a brother can because he can never fully understand you. It may seem good now, but you're just setting yourself up for heartache. In the scriptures God even mandates that certain cultures shouldn't blend."

"Well, you're not God and it's still my decision to make even if you think it's the wrong one."

"Listen here little girl..."

"And for the record," I cut her off and I knew she was pissed, but I had to stand up for myself. I had no idea where Derek and I were headed, but if I let my mom talk me out of seeing him, she'd always feel she could control me. "Whether he's black, white, Mexican, or Asian I'll never be a man's toy. You taught me better than that."

"Thought I'd taught you a lot of things."

"Bye mom. I'll call you this weekend." I'm sure she had plenty more to say, but I couldn't take another word. I sucked in a deep breath and tried to exhale the fire that had built in me.

I walked back into the office doubting everything. I'd convinced myself to believe the good about Derek and angry that I'd allowed my mother to shake me. I was so confused that I started ignoring his phone calls along with everyone else's.

Friday afternoon, after a barrage of text messages from my cousin, I was fed up with everyone trying to control me. I finally texted Derek back. I was going to keep seeing him, if for nothing more than to keep pissing my family off.

Sorry for my silence these past couple of days. Are you still picking me up for dinner tonight?

The way my heart fluttered while I waited for his response, I knew I was texting him for so many more reasons than pissing off my family.

Absolutely.

His one-word response kind of hurt me a bit, but what did I expect. He'd called me twice, texted several times, and I'd left him hanging.