I Take It Black

Real Talk

The next morning I made a phone call that was answered with the words, "Before you curse me out let me explain."

I sat quietly and let Nikki say what she had to say. My ire had dimmed a bit, but I was still prepared to let her have it.

"He's a really nice guy who's been dating women almost as trifling as the men you've been dating. I thought two good loving people should be together regardless of their skin color. You deserve a man who will treat you right."

"And you don't think I'll find that in a Black man or a man with a bit of color in his skin?"

"Now you're being ridiculous." The incredulous tone of her voice pissed me off.

"I'm being ridiculous!" I sat up rolling my neck and pointing a finger at my chest like she could actually see me. "How long have we been friends? How often have we discussed what type of men we want?" I didn't let her respond, just kept throwing rhetorical question at her until my point was clear. "Yet you still set me up with a man who is opposite of everything I told you I wanted and then hid it from me. That's what's ridiculous. I was embarrassed and came off sounding like a racist."

"I'm sorry, but knowing all those things about you is exactly why I hid his race. That should show how much I think he's perfect for you. I knew you'd shut me down if I told you he was white. He's a really nice guy. Yes, you can find nice guys in any race, but when you come across a man with the perfect set of qualities you shouldn't allow something as simple as skin color to get in the way."

"I don't see you dating a white boy."

"I happened to find my perfect set of qualities in a black man. Derek is thoughtful without being a punk. He's confident without being arrogant. He's educated, but grew up in the hood. He has money to wine and dine you, but isn't flashy with it. And he's fine! I know you saw those muscles bulging beneath his shirt."

"But he's white. Don't you get it?"

"No Janet, you don't get it. Derek is perfect for you and if you don't get past the color of his skin you're going to miss out on something great."

I loved Nikki like a sister. We were just going to have to agree to disagree. There was more wrapped up in skin color than just the superficial. What about culture...Common experiences...Similar upbringings? Those things shaped a person, helped to form their likes and dislikes. How could I find common ground with a person who'd lived his whole life blessed with white privilege and could never understand my struggle?

"Are we still getting together to play spades next weekend?" I changed the subject before we said something we regretted.

"Absolutely! Your being hard head is not getting you out of this butt whoopin'."

"Girl you are delusional? You haven't beaten me in forever."

"I have a secret weapon now."

"I hope you aren't talking about Luther. The brother doesn't look like the spades type. Even if he's the best, there's no cheating and no talking the table."

"I won't need to. I've been practicing."

"We shall see..." We finalized the arrangements for our get together and ended the call.

I hopped in the shower and couldn't keep my mind off Derek. Even though I was pissed, Nikki had given me a lot to think about. Was it wrong to exclude him simply because he was the wrong color? He was without a doubt in to me, so obviously he didn't have a problem with my color. I'd certainly been on the receiving end of bigotry, so, I knew how it felt. But a preference was simply that a preference...right? Whether it was a man with long hair or melanin, you liked what you liked. It didn't make it wrong, did it? I spent the rest of my shower trying to convince myself. When it was all said and done, I didn't like white guys. I wasn't going to let Nikki or anyone guilt me into a relationship with someone I wasn't attracted to. I also didn't want anyone thinking I was a racist. Thanks to Derek and Nikki my shower was not as relaxing as it normally was. I wrapped up in a towel and stomped into my room.

I walked past Derek's crumpled business card on my night stand and thought about calling him to apologize. I wasn't the most hospitable person on our date, at least that deserved and apology. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed the number before I talked myself out of it. Each ring seemed to rumble in the pit of my stomach. I don't know why I was so nervous, but I could've done a back flip when his voicemail picked up. I hated apologizing and it would be a lot easier to do it on a voice message. I listened to the smooth baritone of his voice. My mind instantly went back to his parting words last night and how he'd handled my body like it belonged to him. I should've been pissed that he had the audacity to touch me, but couldn't deny he'd turned me on.

"Hi Derek, this is Janet." My train of thought caused me to stutter a bit, but I regained my composure. "I wanted to apologize for some of the things I said last night. I never want to subject anyone to the bigotry I've faced. I allowed my shock and anger to get the best of me and I'm sorry. I hope my actions don't affect your relationship with Luther and Nikki. Again, I'm sorry." I hung up the phone feeling like I'd set the world right. My conscience was clear and I was ready to begin my day.

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This Chapter is Dedicated to @ohhshan for being the first to show me some love on here. Heeeeeeey Girl. I appreciate you.