Be my cannoli (Male Protagonist x Male Character)

Shut up or I will make you shut up (Garrus x Male Shepard)

Y'all, would you believe me if I said I wrote this in a day? I was looking at smut prompts last night and was looking at the rivalry types and was struck with inspiration. This is only the first part. I just stopped myself when I realized it'd gone past 4,000. I'm just surprised with myself, but leave it to Garrus to kick my ass into high gear when it comes to writing something. Hopefully I can keep up the momentum long enough the crank out part 2. Anyway, this is an alternative universe. No reapers, and Shepard goes from being a Commander to a Spectre. I might change the dynamic a little so titles may have different meanings. I think I got most of the mistakes, but sorry if I missed anything.

~

"Aaaaand that's why they pay me the big credits." Garrus pumped his fist, rubbing his victory in his coworker's face.

"Bastard!" Shepard glowered as the cocky Turian's laughter rang in his ears.

"Don't take it so personally, Shepard. You and I both know that humans aren't quite as...evolved as us Turian's. You can't expect to beat us."

"Are you seriously playing the race card right now?" Shepard frowned, watching the Turian swivel in his chair.

The Turian shrugged, nonchalantly looking at his talons. "Look, all I'm saying...is that you can't pit a pyjak against a thresher maw, and expect the pyjak to win. There's no shame in that. It's just the truth."

Shepard scoffed, leaning against the desk. "Alright, asshole. Explain to me how Turians are so superior to humans, then. What makes us pyjaks and you thresher maws?"

Garrus' mandibles spread out into a cocky smirk, perfected with him leaning back in his chair and resting his hands behind his head. "I'm glad you asked. You see, us Turian's evolved from predators. I guess you could compare our ancestors to...I don't know...what's those big fluffy creatures you have? They have the fur and long tails..."

Shepard sighed. "Panthers, I guess."

Apparently satisfied with what his eyepiece showed him, he continued. "Panthers. Now, imagine these panthers had tough armor on the outside of their bodies, nearly impenetrable. Oh, and imagine they had long razor sharp talons they can retract into their bodies at will."

"Mhm."

"Imagine their mouths are full of razor sharp teeth that produce venom that paralyzes their prey. And that they can open their mouths wider than most because their mouths aren't enclosed."

"Yep."

"And I want you to picture their legs. Built for speed and agility. They could jump pretty fucking high, and could climb almost anything."

"Uh huh. What about their eyes?"

"Amazing vision. Just razor sharp. Any movement is detected."

"What else?"

"We were pretty fucking strong. Our tough exterior and sturdy talons made it easy to break up rocks, wood, and most other natural resources we had."

"Sounds like some real alphas." Shepard deadpanned.

Garrus grinned, enjoying his uncaring attitude. "We were, Shepard. Are. That's how I'm able to beat your ass now."

Shepard tilted his head at him. "But, by that logic, so are humans. Only the top manage to stay alive as long as we have."

"Maybe, but what you evolved from flung shit like a pyjak, so..."

Shepard grinned. "That cannot possibly count," he laughed. "According to history, we evolved faster than Turians did. While we may not have had all the physical attributes you had and still have, we make up for it in ingenuity. We got to where we did because we know how to use our brain to our advantage. It's how we were able to take down beings 5x our size. Because we think and we do." Shepard leaned over, bending down to be face to face with Garrus. "While I might never be as strong as you, don't you ever think for a second I can't kick your ass with my mind."