Worth The Risk (bucky barnes x reader fanfiction)

Part Ten

By Monday, everyone had begun to notice your unusual behaviour. 

It was obvious that you were trying to put up some kind of front around your friends, but nobody was buying it. And although Bucky was sure that Nat had figured out what was going on alongside Steve and Wanda, no one said a word.

You avoided him and the subject like the plague. Feigned illnesses, impromptu assignments, and unexplained disappearances were becoming more and more common and it was only a matter of time until someone brought it up.

That someone was Sam.

Wednesday night he discretely pulled Steve to the side after dinner, voice low and face solemn. You'd been absent again that evening, claiming to have an upset stomach, and Sam had had enough. Although it had seemed an unspoken rule not to bring up your behaviour, the situation was getting out of hand and he had to at least try asking about what was going on.

Steve's face softened as his friend spoke and Bucky watched in silence, slowly wandering closer as he used his enhanced senses to listen in on their conversation.

"If you can't tell me what's going on, at least let me know if she's okay." Sam pushed, eyebrows knit together in worry.

Steve let out an audible sigh. "I can't, Sam. She doesn't want..." he paused, taking a moment to think before speaking once again. "She'll be fine. She just needs time. I think..."

Sam nodded in defeat, still unconvinced. At least he'd tried.

Bucky walked away after that but the uncertainty lacing Steve's voice bothered him well into the rest of the evening.

Thud after thud sounded out through the empty gym as your fists continuously pummeled into the large punching bag in front of you.

You were the only one there during the early hours of the morning and you were glad for that. No one needed to see you like this; your body was practically running on autopilot, your mind too numb from the overwhelming exhaustion, frustration, and disappointment that were keeping you awake.

You stared ahead, blank and unflinching as you thrust your arms forward. You'd lost feeling in your knuckles near half an hour ago, the bare skin raw and bloodied from the tough leather. Your back ached and your muscles were beginning to cramp, but the pain was all but forgotten as your thoughts laid elsewhere.

You were mildly aware of how wrong your actions were but you were tired and this was one of the only ways you knew how to cope.

Giving up on Bucky was harder than you thought it would be.

You were well aware that you'd been drawn towards the older man since the moment you'd met, but you hadn't realized just how attached you'd actually gotten to him over the few months you'd known one another. He'd been easy to get close to. It usually took time for you to grow comfortable around others but with him it came naturally. You trusted and cared for him just as much as the rest of the team you considered to be your family. If not more, and you'd only known him a fraction of the time.

You'd foolishly assumed that he'd felt the same. Obviously, you'd been wrong and the sudden realization that he couldn't care less about your company or forgiveness shook you to the bone.

You were so overrun with emotions and exhausted from all of the seemingly useless effort you'd poured into Bucky over the last few weeks, that sleep was now impossible. You didn't know what to do.

You were tired of all of your invitations being rejected, tired of his sudden silence whenever you entered the room, but most of all you were tired of having to constantly swallow back disappointment after disappointment. You just didn't have the energy to try anymore.