Coasting

Chapter 18

Day 58

Fletcher normally sends me a 'good morning' text.

He didn't.

I knew he was mad. Understandably. After everything that we'd gone through this week, I just suddenly turned cold. And that was his least favorite part about me. But that was why I was doing it. Maybe I could convince him that the cons outweighed the pros for me. After all, I was leaving and this was just a summer fling anyway. It was going to end eventually. Why not now?

Still, somehow I was mad at my own self for thinking that.

All throughout the morning at work, he didn't text me. I felt like I was checking my phone constantly, getting more and more anxious as the time drifted further and further towards the afternoon.

"What's up with you?" Courtney asked when the shop got dead around eleven thirty.

"Nothing," I replied.

"Yeah that makes sense," she replied sarcastically. "You run out of us yesterday and today you look like you might cry any second and you're constantly checking your phone. You should know by now I don't believe your little act. So what's actually up?"

"I really don't want to talk about it, okay?" I snapped.

Courtney shut up for a long time. It seemed like an hour that we didn't talk but in reality I'm sure it was only fifteen minutes. We awkwardly just pretended like we were cleaning the countertops or fixing the espresso machines. Finally she murmured, "If we said something yesterday..."

"You didn't," I answered more calmly this time. I hesitated, figuring out the right words to say. "I just...maybe it's time I get more used to not having you all by my side all the time."

"But that's-"

"Please don't," I begged and my voice came out sounding more helpless than I expected it too. "I know when I leave you guys will still be my friends. But you don't understand. I wasn't afraid to leave high school behind. I was ecstatic. But here...I just need to separate myself a little. I'm afraid I'm going to get to school and..."

"And fail?" she prompted.

"I guess," I affirmed. "But also that maybe it won't be as great as it's been for me here."

"This may not help," she offered. "But coming from someone who hasn't left this town in her entire life, I promise you there's so much more out there that's going to be greater than you could ever imagine."

I nodded, neither trusting my voice nor knowing what to say.

"You'll see."

~ ~ ~

It was five in the afternoon when I decided to go out on the porch and read more of my pre-law book, which I had barely touched since the start of summer. I had been off work since one and all afternoon I was anxiously staring at my phone, hoping to see Fletcher's name pop up on my screen. After hours of this, I realized I needed a distraction.

However when I opened the sliding glass door and glanced down on the beach, all of my thoughts disappeared. I set my book and phone down on a lawn chair, already heading straight for the figure standing right at the waters edge.

"Fletcher!" I called as I got closer, pushing to run through the sand. He turned around, sliding his hands in his pockets. He didn't smile upon seeing me like he normally did and my stomach tightened. Still, he met me halfway. Instinctually I gave him a hug, needing his presence. He hugged me but when I looked up at him and we locked eyes, he made no move to kiss me. Instead, he pulled away and stared back towards the water.