I couldn't help the feeling that began rising within me the moment I saw her eyes light up as she caught the sight of Harry in front of her. But she looked so stunning, it was so hard to be angry at her for something out of her reach, something that was beyond a choice. Love wasn't a choice, it didn't have to be complicated. It didn't have to be a decision that was tough to make. So why am I making things more difficult than it needed to be?
My mind raced the entire drive downtown, anxiously hoping that what Zayn had told her didn't stick to her and that she wouldn't connect the dots. She had noticed me staring then, and didn't mention a word to me afterwords. Maybe she thought I had a secret lover, or maybe she was so disinterested in me that she pretended the whole conversation never happened. I don't know which was worse.
She was still wearing his sweater when we all made it to Broadway street, which was always buzzing with tourists. I swallowed the anger in my throat and walked forward, hoping to drown my sorrows in something else besides self pity.
"Are you alright?" a small voice said beside me, and I look down, finding Jesse tugging at my sleeve. She had caught up to my fast pace step, despite being so short. She looked determined. "You've been upset this whole time." Fuck I think, did I really let my emotions show through that obviously?
"What are you talking about? Im having a grand time!" but as the words left my mouth, I knew she wouldn't buy it. She scoffed, crossing her arms.
"Tell me." She urged, studying my face for any signs of emotion. "Something is wrong."
"Nothing is wrong, I'm fine just drop it." I mutter, turning around and stopping in my tracks.
I don't know what triggered me more, his hand around her waist or the blush rising up to her cheeks. Or maybe the sight of them together in general. But I had enough of it. This was the breaking point.
"Come with me." I command, as soon as I march up to their giggling antics. I grabbed her hand and lead her to the nearest alley besides the street. Private but.. smelly.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Hannah says, but she doesn't sound mad, not yet. She lets me guide her anyway, interested to where this is all going. Not that I have any idea either.
"What am I doing?" I start, pulling her into a corner, besides a dumpster. The smell overpowers the air around us, but at least we're away from the big crowd. "What the fuck are you doing? Do you think I enjoy seeing you with him? As he practically dangles you in front of me like he's proud?"
Her eyes widen, and she lets out a nervous laugh. "Wait.." She begins, studying my face in the poorly lit alleyway, "Are you actually being serious right now? Or is this some joke I don't know about?"
"A joke?" I repeat letting out a scoff, "I'm a joke to you?" At this point, I am talking absolute mad shit, but I can't make the words stop. They spill out like word vomit. "Why are you literally throwing yourself at someone you've hardly met? Thats not the person I know you to be," I don't mean to, but my emotions start to get the best of me, and I'm screaming now. " I'm the one who knows you!! me!! I'm the one who really knows you." I take her hands in mine, as if begging her to listen to what I'm saying, "Hannah, there's not a fucking day where I don't think about you. I'm so fucking sick of not being able to hold you, and love you how I'm really meant to love you. I feel sick when I see you with him, it makes me so absolutely tired to keep pretending like this doesn't break every piece of me." The last word floats in the air and for a few seconds, that feel like infinity, she just holds my hands, looking into my eyes.
"You can't do that to me.." she says slowly, shaking her head. "You can't just..."she trails off, then looked up into my eyes. "you can't just decide to love me when it's convenient for you, that's not fair" She's growing loud now, inching forward to me. She lets my hands go, furiously as if they suddenly feel like hot fire to her. "Not when I've loved you for this long. not when I've spent so many years getting over you while I still had to be so close to you. It's not fair."
My brain goes back to that night, where we were all alone, and she said she was in love with me. Regret clouds my head as I shake the memory away, refusing to believe I had let such a moment go and realizing that I was possibly too late. She had already decided we weren't meant to be together, a long time ago.
"What are you talking about? I'm trying to tell you right now that I'm in-" I whine before she cuts me off.
"STOP don't you dare say that." She pushes me back, catching me off guard, I stagger a few steps , catching my balance from hitting the wall.
We stare at each other for a few seconds, the silence filing up around us and suffocating me. From I distance I hear all our friends, laughing, so oblivious to what's going down few feet away from themselves.
"Fine. I get the hint Gribbins" I say, when I realize she won't say anymore. I turn on my heels and leave her there, behind the dumpster. My heart breaks off as I feel her eyes on my back, as she lets me go.
Leaving part of me with her as I escape what I had just did.
YOU ARE READING
all too well
Romanceniall was her safe haven, the boy hannah counted on when life didn't seem to go her way. They knew each other better than they even knew themselves. or so they thought. harry couldn't have come into her life than in a better moment. With her recent...
