all too well

eleven. (hannah's POV)

"I can't believe you're going all the way to LA for this guy" Josh was saying now, in his thick Michigan accent. He talked a lot with his hands, his curly hair bobbing back and forth as he did so.  Molly rolled her eyes and pinched his thigh. "Niall isn't just some guy, thats Hannah's best friend...and soulmate maybe."

Josh and Molly offered to take me to the Nashville airport, to my solo trip all the way to LAX, where Jesse and Jackie were meeting me there. The past hour went a lot like this, just Josh scolding me about how if a man really loved me that he would show it and blah blah blah. But I think he was just being overprotective of me, and was scared I was making the wrong mistake by making such a big jump. Which I knew I wasn't.

I think.

"Not everyone has such a picture perfect love story like you two:  where the boy meets the girl and they fall instantly in love" I reminded him, as he looked at me through the rearview mirror. "Sometimes it takes a while to realize... and thats okay." 

Molly nodded  sympathetically, and turned to her lover. "Hannah is right! and if we can help in any way to make this story a bit more sweet, than we're there for her. Right baby?" She leaned into him from the passenger seat, and planted a kiss on his cheek. 

Josh hummed and blushed, easing into his chair. "I guess so, but I just want what's best for you." He said, turning back towards me for a second. "I don't want you to come back empty handed and full of regret."

I shook my head, "Even if I don't get the guy, then at least I have closure right? I think thats better than nothing." 

"What do you even plan on telling him?" Josh said, clearing his throat.

I shrugged. I didn't think this far ahead. I never had to try with Niall, there was never a need to rehearse lines in my head when it came to him. Everything about us was so effortless, which was why we were best friends. were best friends? I had no idea.

I also didn't know what to think of us, now that I knew the truth. My perception of him was warped, it felt like. I didn't know things would take such a turn this drastically. But I tried to shake any thoughts that seemed to over evaluate the situation and focus on the things that I did know.

I knew that I loved him. That was a given. I just didn't realize that I was still in love with him until he tried to utter the words to me. That familiar feeling of butterflies rising up to my bellies when he looked into my eyes. I thought I had gotten over him but in reality I just got good at concealing my feelings, even to myself.

The truth was I couldn't live without him. That I knew for a fact.

Looking back at what we had, it was almost a surprise that I was so oblivious. But how could I not have been? When he didn't reciprocate the feelings back?

I stopped myself, I was blaming him for something that I was just as much at fault for. It didn't matter that he never spoke the exact words to me. My lazy attempt at trying to let him know had failed so many years ago, and that was no ones fault. Not even mine. 

When we arrived, Molly gave me the tightest hug of my life before they sent me off. I looked back at the two familiar faces before I made it to security. They have it so easy, I thought to myself as I saw Molly sigh and lean her head against Josh's shoulder as he gave me an encouraging wave, they have it all figured out.

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