Open Book

18. Retreat Time

Hearing about spending time with God and prayer time in one's sacred closet, it made me wonder "How exactly do I do that? What am I supposed to do exactly?"

When I firstly began to seek Him for real, I used little prayer books that the church has offered me as to aid a teen. I did not know very much about approaching Him otherwise, so I used the tiny book for a while until I was introduced of another way, which is to make a list of worship songs and melodies I liked and to ask the Holy Spirit to please choose the order with which the songs would play. I would then put the whole list on shuffle and sing along inwardly since I am not comfortable to sing out loud. Honestly, I was not used to staying still, it made me uncomfortable, irritable and physically agitated. I needed to do something. I lamented that I could not do such a simple thing as staying put and resting! Even managing to stay still for twenty minutes (which was progress!) my thoughts would run marathons at the same time. 

I do not know how it came all about but putting the music on and singing helped me focus. Later, the gift of praying in tongues appeared and I would sing in tongues too, using the melodies of those songs as a guide.

When I do not 'feel' the worship songs then I would try to read the Word and pause in between, thinking and questioning the Lord "what about this, what about that" "What does this mean?" He would then speak to me and even bring up other scriptures to mind and I would see how they matched up. For example, a part of Song of Songs would correlate to a scripture in the book of Psalms. Or something form Proverbs would remind me of a scripture that fixed and completes a verse form the Song of Songs. Reading scriptures out loud would help me to record them better in my mind. Some scriptures would even 'breathe' and go deep in me, awakening slumbering desires.

Some days though, in my mess, I would just find my place to rest by simply laying my head on a pillow and try to quiet my negative thoughts. I would imagine Him near and that I would lean on His chest, not just that pillow. It might sound childish, but it does help to hang in there.

Many other times I stare at His picture, at drawings He drew through me or other paintings by other people. I gaze at Him and I bet He listens to unspoken words that come from my depths.

I may write and journal sometimes. Gaze at a plant a think how He created it. Looking at the light outside and thank Him for another day in this troubled world. I mean, the way to come to Him is through praise and thanksgiving and that can be found in anything seen or unseen. The Lord longs for us to worship Him in spirit and truth.

He often says "Come to me as you are." So, I try to take my eyes off my faults and just come, and the results of this time with Him are spectacular. Like, you see a cross and you think of Him, wanting to sit under that cross. You see a picture of Him on the internet and your heart is softened and you end up giving Him a little smile. You hear a scripture or a word someone says, and you realize its source, so you rejoice that His wisdom pours out through many. At times something would hit you that when you pass by Hispicture, you melt, giggle a bit, make funny 'dancing' movies and end up kissing Jesus in the picture (imagine how His heart melts when you do that!) You find yourself falling in love with Him. He becomes your Frist Love!

I remember when I used to work from twelve noon until nine at night and it totally messed up my schedules of times with Him. One day I was so unbalanced and was so longing for a real time with Him once again that I said to Him inwardly, "Lord, come with me!" I decided to keep my awareness out of the stress around, "No matter what task we do, let us sit here on the Sea of Glass".  Then I saw myself going through the day, accomplishing the tasks to be done, and both of us were following the events from the Sea of Glass as we sat there. Mybody was on earth, but my eyes and mind were mainly with Jesus on the Sea of Glass.

It is beautiful and fills the depth of your being this time with Him.

There are occasions when intense intercession prayers are needed, and so we would launch ourselves into that, each according to his own strength and with God's grace we would use the prayers He has given and taught us. Also because of the harsh times occurring in this world, He might even share a part of His cross with you at times.

Jesus Himself had a lot of retreat times with God the Father and you can see the results that gushed forth all around in His life and beyond.  So, wherever the place, the time, the method or the way of approaching, as long as you go as a child in spirit and in truth you are good. If you find it hard, He gives an open helping hand.  He will help you as He promised if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us.  So even if itis tough at the beginning cast your eyes on the joy ahead of you and keep going.