Zara || A Nigerian Lesbian

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚒𝚡𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗

𝚉𝙰𝚁𝙰
━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

I was sitting down on the couch, having survived another day of running around to get things set up for Yasmin's get together, and visiting the hospital. I had to go because of the fact that I was feeling sicker by the day. I couldn't hold down food for too long, yet I was putting on weight quickly.

I was in a state of shock when the doctor explained the need for prenatal care and vitamins that I had to take. Congratulating me, although all I was going to do was break down and sulk.

I knew I had not had sex for a while, after Bella and Tunde... "Tunde!" I shouted.

The last thing I needed right now was to get pregnant. Life had to give me one more challenge to face. It had been two months since we last spoke or saw each other, but I had to quickly send a text, asking him to show up here. I was far too gone.

Far too gone to think about this rationally or carefully.

It took Tunde at least an hour to get here, which gave me time to practice how to convey the message subtly. I opened the door before he could knock.

He kissed me long and hard to say hello. "I thought you would never call me," he said after releasing me from his terrible kiss. "I've been coming to your house, but the security guard won't let me in, and you never picked my calls or responded to my texts."

"Tunde, I have something serious to tell you," I interrupted, keeping my tone as steady and emotionless as possible.

"What's the problem, my love?"

"I am pregnant."

It was so silent that one could hear a pin drop in the time it took for my words to sink in, but his expression shifted as soon as it did sink in. "What the hell are you talking about?"

He began pacing back and forth in the living room. "I am pregnant, about three months gone."

"For heaven's sake, Zara! Did I tell you I want children? And we haven't seen each other in a while, and you throw this at me?"

The hormones raced through me, or maybe I was upset at his reaction, I didn't know which it was, but suddenly I did not give a damn at what he was going to do. This was me hitting rock bottom, nowhere else to go except die, or fight my way out of this mess.

"Zara, you should have used contraception!"

"And you should have used protection!" I said, poking his chest, my voice loud enough with every word that came out of my mouth.

Nothing prepared me for the backhanded slap that suddenly landed on my face, knocking me to the ground. Instinctively, I curled up into a fetal position to protect myself and my unborn child.

"You are a whore! Goddammit. You can't trap me, woman." He yelled as he rushed out the front door.

After I waited for a few minutes to be sure he was not coming back, I stumbled into the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I was shocked to see what I looked like. My hair was a horrible mess, my makeup, which I took my time to do, was smudged and streaked down my tear-stained face.

Reality hit me, seeing how broken I was. I am worth more than all this, I thought. Even if I know I this was not the time to have a baby. I wished this was a better time, a better situation, or a better father.

But, as they say, a blessing in disguise.

Done with my shower, I put on my sleepwear and crawled to bed. I needed a friend to help me right now, and the only person I could think of was Nena. "I'll call her tomorrow," I said.

I began to fall asleep with my hand on my stomach, praying that tomorrow was going to be better with solutions.

The pain was intense. It was what woke me up.

I felt a stabbing sensation in my stomach, and my back was so sore. Another wave of pain came, and I felt wet between my legs.

"No!" I cried.

Jumping out of bed, I raced to the bathroom. I pulled myself out of my sleepwear, and there was blood all over. There and then, I knew what had just happened. I didn't need a soothsayer to tell me what was happening.

From the amount of blood I saw, it definitely was a miscarriage. But the baby could still be there, right?

My child was lost, and I was a mess. A wave of regret and guilt hit me. Guilty because, in a way, I wanted this to happen. I hop into the shower, and I could see how red the water was, going down the plughole. Suddenly, I cried my way down to the ground, sitting down under the shower for eternity.

Out of the shower, I quickly dialed Nena's number. "Nena, please tell me you can come to my house, now," I cried.

It was just 6 am, too early, but I wanted a friend here. "Sure thing," she managed to say over the phone.

All I felt was emptiness. Could life get any worse?