Zara || A Nigerian Lesbian

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚢

ʏᴀsᴍɪɴ
━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

Do nothing rash and give Zara time. That was Titi's advice and the same thing with Nena. Time does not heal pain, and there was no time to act but now. Zara needed me to do anything to keep her safe. It was what I wanted to do.

"Yasmin, wait for the right time to act. Let me speak with the senators," Titi said yesterday over the phone. I was furious. Lolia, that little devil had the guts to threaten my woman, and she felt she could go away with it? No way.

Now, Zara didn't want me because she was okay being alone. What would make her come back to me, then? The damage was done, and there was nothing I could do. Even if my plan worked and Nigeria recognized the LGBTQ community, she would not come back. It was my fault she didn't love me enough to stay. That's what it comes down to. Sitting in my room, I had a thought on what I could have done better to avoid this. I was the one who broke it off with her, was the one who said she wasn't safe with me—so why was I bothered now?

That night we spent together in each other's arms—I thought it would be enough. But I was idiotic and selfish to think sex would bring us back together.

My phone had been buzzing for the past fifteen minutes, and I didn't bother to check who it was because I believed it was Lolia trying to have her way with me, or Titi trying to console me. It kept buzzing for the umpteenth time, and I picked the phone up without looking at who it was.

"Can you stop calling me? I am busy."

There was a bit of hustle at the end of the other line until I heard my mother's voice. "First, no, I would not stop calling you."

Oh shit. My eyes rolled back into my head with irritation. My night could not be any worse than this.

"Mrs. Yewande," I said to her. "I was not expecting you of all people to be calling me at such an odd hour."

"I wanted to confirm if you were going to show up for our dinner date." she added, her voice in a subtle state.

"I am sure you know I received your message." That was enough to tell her I would not show up. She should get that by now.

"I heard that you were having issues with your girlfriend, and I wanted to make sure you were ok."

Whoever spilled anything to my mother will regret the wrath that would be unleashed upon them. It wasn't Titi; I know for sure, and it can't be Zara—she had not met the mother yet. So whoever it was, boy were they going to pay. Why can't I have my own privacy?

"Say something at least," she pleaded, her voice laced with a maternal note. Especially when she added, "I am your mother."

Yeah, right! Where have you been all this while? Right now, I didn't have anyone to talk to, except for the one person I didn't think I would want to talk to. I took a deep breath before I opened up to her a bit. "I am in love with a woman whom I broke it off with a few weeks ago. Now I want her back, but she's not sure I love her. I don't know how else to show it to her."

I could hear her taking a deep breath before letting out a response. "Well, how did you treat her before you broke it off? Why did you break it off, and why do you think you both should get back together?"

The woman sure did ask a lot of questions, but they were the right questions. And I never thought of it that way.

"You know, your dad and I had issues back and forth during our marriage, but each time he apologized, I ran back into his arms."

We both laughed. Her laughter was weak on the other end, and I knew why. She missed dad. Since he died, she's never been the same, she'd lost all of her strength.

"Yasmin, all I am saying is just give me a chance. I know I made mistakes, but if I can listen to your problems and help, that would be one of the happiest things I would have done with myself this year." I didn't say a word because I couldn't when she was crying. "I'll really listen, I promise," her voice cracked, and I could hear sniffles.

My heart broke for my mother. Even though she was not there when I needed her most, I was sure now that she was hurting all this while. "I don't want to upset you with something you hate talking about." A deep-rooted painful side of me wanted to add, it's not like you like the fact I am a lesbian, but I retreat from doing so. There was no need to add salt to the injury.

"It's fine. Tell me what happened."

A few minutes pass as I try to gather my thoughts on all that has happened since I met Zara. "I want to be the one who can take away her pain since there was no one to help me when I was in pain. I felt, if I loved her in my own way, maybe I would feel at peace with myself." I pause, trying to hold back the tears threatening to pour before I continue, "But I stupidly broke it off, and now I want her back. The problem now is, she doesn't think we should be together until she can be herself on her own. How can I do that?" It really hurt me because I didn't want to let her go.

"Does she know you are hurting, or are you hiding it as usual?"

My mother knew me, and that made me smile.

"Maybe, it would make her feel better if you opened up to her and let her see how much you hurt? Instead of trying to help with her hurt."

My mother's words were met with silence. She was right. The last time I opened up to Zara, she felt more relaxed. But it was not fair to throw all my baggage on her, knowing all she had gone through.

"Do you know if it upsets her because you don't want to lean on her while she is trying to find herself?" Her voice picked up, carrying optimism with her words. "That would make a difference, don't you think?"

It's an odd feeling when I feel relaxed and slightly happy that I shared this with my mother. "Thank you," is all I said to her, more than I have ever in a while. It's from within.

"Will you still come for dinner?" she asked without wasting a second, going right back to what she wanted—the same old person.

"Yes, Mum. I will be there." It was nice to pretend that we had some relationship, but I was worried about her turning on her daughter again.

Yes, yes, readers! Another chapter, another fun ride... we are getting close to the end of Zara's journey. How would it end? Let's vote and see.