Hope.

chapter 3

I thought that i would upload this early because you had to wait a extra week for chapter 2 .. oops .. <3 loves youss!!

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How can you eat a normal family dinner when your life isn't normal any more? We're all sitting around the table because mum insists that we must eat, but pizza is sticking in my troat and i can't swallow. I end up regurgitating it like a mother bird and putting it on the side of my plate and no one says a thing. Dad's pushing his salad around and poking it under the pizza and he keeps giving quick glances at mum when he thinks she's not looking. She looks the most normal out of us all, now that she's droped her bombshell and switched back into mum mode. She wont let me answer the phone when it rings while we're at the table but she never does, so nothing new there. I can hear Ali. She leaves a message on the answerphone:

''Call me back, Lady Macbeth. I cant believe we've both got parts!''

This makes mum sit up.

''Jess I'm so sorry. You got the part?''

I nod miserably. ''It's not important any more''

''but thats wonderful! Well done, sweetheart. but promise me you wont neglect your work''

I look at her and smile. '' I knew you'd say that''..Then i burst into tears.

Mums got breast cancer.

She's been to the Daybreak centre today to get her results. It turns out it's the specialist breast cancer unit in St John's Hospital. She had a lump tested last week and hadn't said a word to anyone, not even Dad.'I thought it would be all right; She keeps saying. It wasn't. It was a tumour that has to be removed as soon as possible, which means that the day after tomorrow she has to go into St John's Hospital foor an operation on her breast. It's known as a wide excision. she's also got to have a Lymph glands removed from under her arm to see if the cancer has got into her Lymph system. Being Mum she's explained it all to us in detail. She comes round the table and puts her arms around me. I feel like i did when i was a kid and would wake up with a nightmare and mum would come cuddle me. I put my head on her breast and then jump back.

''I'm sorry! Does that hurt?''

'' Of course not'' She says and presses my face close to her again. I can smell her familiar smell, a mixture of cooking, Calvin Klein and a slight wiff of sweat. It makes me cry more and i hug her so tight it hurts. I don't know what I'd do without mum.

''Will you die?'' I whisper.

''What?'' She asks considering the question. I wait, holding my breath, dreading the answer.

Mum never lies. '' I certainly dont intend to'' She says finally.

''I bet Linda McCartney didn't intend to' I say miserably.

''JESS!'' Dad warns.

''No, it's okay;' Says mum. ''Do you think that thought hasn't occurred to me? No, as far as i know, the earlier you descover breast cancer, the better the chances of surviving it. they'll know more after the op, but Dr Hamez is hopeful that we've caught it early''

''Will you have to have you breast removed?'' i ask.

''God i hope not. I'm only forty-four

Tears roll down her cheeks. Suddenly, Fourty Four dosent sound ancient anymore.

''that's enough questions Jess.Everything'll be all right, you'll see. it'll all work out'' Dad says. he looks white He comes over and puts his armsround us both we have a group hug.

''I wish carly was here'' i say into Dads shoulder.

''Dont you say anything to her when you email her '' warns Mum ''Theres no need for her to know anything''

''What?'' I spring back in suprise. '' she'd want to know. she'll be mad if we don't tell her.

''No'' says Mum verry firmly. '' I mean it Jess. Whats the point of upsetting her? She cant do anything. It'll all be over by the time she gets home. Oh don't say anything to Gran either. She'll only fuss''

I look at Dad and manage a grin. Nothings changes. Mum's still calling the shots as usual

''Can i tell Ali?'' i ask and mum grimaces

''i suppose so. Theres no point in keeping a secret for the sake of it. Those days are gone, Thank goodness. But no dramatics, Jess. I'm not about to pop my socks. I'm havign a small op and hopefully that'll be the end of it.''

I love Mum shes so down-to-earth. I feel better. So i go upstairs to ring Ali. She's all excited about the play.

'' I can't believe we've both got the parts we wanted.''

I grin into the phone. Ali has a unique way or rearranging life to suit her own version of events. She witters on about how romantic it is that Muggs and I are playing husband and wife and what a great couple we make.

''I'm so glad I've got the third witch and not Lady Macbeth'' She burbles. ''I'd never remember all those lines'' Too right because she'd never get round to learning them! But suddeny I feel scared that I won't mannage it either. Then I think if Muggs can then I can, as He's got ten times more to learn than I have. Iwonder if I should tell Muggs about Mum. Iguess I'm going to have to.Life seems to have become complicated. I sigh. I've got to tell somone.

''Look I've got to tell you somthing. Can i come around?'' Theres a silence on the other end of the phone. She knows this is serious.

''Your not pregnant are you?''

''Ali! as if !'' I've never done it so I'd have a job on, but I wasnt going into that now '' No I'm not! Look I'll be around in a minuite, I'll explain then.''

I look in at Mum and Dad to tell them where im going. Mum says 'okay don't be late' and Dad just waves. They're just sitting on the sofa, with their arms around eachother, listening to Paul McCartney. He's singing

'Will you still need me?

Will you still feed me?

When I'm Sixty-Four.'

Normally this would make me cringe. Today it makes me want to cry.

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wow that was a hit to the face..

this is now what jess has to deal with.

update: next week ... still busy with college :(

please like vote and comment :) <3 x