Hope.

chapter 6

In the morning she's not as bubbly. She's back to beingMum in a stress as if she's late for school and can't find her lesson notes or diary or car keys, which is a normal school morning. nothing's right and Dad's getting it in the ear.

''Want some toast'' He asks. Mistake.

''Thanks but no thanks'' She answers sharply. He looks at her in suprise. She bites back.

''I'm having a general anaesthetic you know , in precisely five hours time!''

''Sorry love i didn't think''He looks crestfallen.

''No, well, you wouldn't would you?'' Mum is off on one. When she gets like this anything could come up. ''I wish i hadn't had those glasses of wine last night. You should have stopped me.'' Dad turns and raises his eyebrows helpless at me. Dad could not stop Mum from doing what she wanted like he could have stopped the tide coming in and destroying those sandbanks he used to build on the beach for Carly and me when we were little.

''Didn't do you any harm'' He said gently ''Helped to relax you''

''Relax!'' She sniffs. Then, ''Oh that reminds me. Where's my relaxation tape?'' She dashes about in a frenzy of searching. Dad smiles at me wryly. I smile back.

''Best of luck. Ring me after school''

Mum comes back in clutching a cassette triumphantly. ''Got it! you'd better get off, Jess, you'll be late. Give us a hug''

I give her a massive bear hug. I must have grown because she feels smaller somehow, more fragile. It's a completely different experience from cuddling up to Muggs- all soft and squashy. We're about the same height now and our boobs press up against each other. For the first time it really occurs to me that mum and I are both women.

''I love you'' I wisper into her neck ''You'll be alright wont you?''

''I'll be fine'' She says giving me a final squeeze ''See you tomorrow. Good as new. Now get a move on or you'll be late''

She sees me out and i turn back to wave when i get to the end of my street just  like I did when i was a kid. Dad is standing behind her with his arm around her. they both raise their hands and wave to me. I can feel myself starting to cry. I see Ali waiting for me, brimming with sympathy, and i stop as quickly as i started.

The day flies by. Mums having her op at two but I'm in a middle of a maths test then and its not till i put my pen down i remember to look at the clock. I don't know how long it will last, but Dad's staying with her till she wakes up. She should be home tomorrow, all being well.

Knowing Dad, he'll want to stay with her all night like he did with me when i had my tonsils out. He slept on a camp bed by the side of my bed and the other kids on the ward thought he was great. He raided the store cupbord and let them bandage him up like a mummy till the nurse incharge that hour found out and told him off.

''Coming down town?'' Ali asks trying to cram folders into her locker. She never does any homework.

''Can't. Rehearsal,'' I say. I wander along the hall where Miss is already waiting. It's just her and me tonight. She wants me to get to grips with Lady M's character and her first scene. When Muggs pops his head around the door she tells him to scram. He pretends to be hurt and I laugh.

''See you later,'' I shout after him.

''What do you really think of him?'' She asks.

''Muggs?'' I ask, startled

''If you like. I was actually thinking of Macbeth.''

I've thought about this.

''I'm totally stoked with him,'' I say ''I love him more than words can say.''

''Good. What sort of person is he?''

''A really nice bloke. Good at everything. Everyone likes him'' I could be talking about Muggs. This is going to be easyier than I thought.

''What would you do for him?''

''Anything''

''Anything?''

I feel a bit uncomfortable. Miss looks so intense and I keep thinking about Muggs.

''Yep''

''Excellent. Never loose sight of that deep passion when you're playing her and let it motivate everything you say and do. Now let's hear your first speech, when you receive his letter.''

Miss Taylor is so good at drawing the best out of you. The teacher we had before her used to tell us what to do but she gets us to understand the characters and then leaves it to us. It's going to be good. I'm going to be good.

Time flies. Its easy, much easier than I thought , and I feel a real rapport with Lady Macbeth who's head over heels in love with her bloke and who probably wasn't that much older than I am now. You have to admire her bottle. She's prepered to go to any lengths to get what she wants for Macbeth and I love the words she uses to wind herself up to murder.

'Look like thy 'innocent flower, but be the serpent under it.''

Huh I knew a few people that advice could apply to Kelly Harris for one! I'll ask Mum to go over those lines with me when i get home, to get them just right. Mum. I'd forgotten about her. I can't believe I can just switch off like that. She's had a cancer op today. I'm a selfish cow. Miss Taylor sees my face and calls it a day. On my way home my mobile rings. It's Dad.

''All went well. Shes come around and I'm just going to stay with her for a while. Be home later.''

I let myself into the empty house. This is becoming a habit. A few nights ago this is all I wanted. Now I'd give anything to hear Mum clattering dishes around the kitchen. It's too quiet.

I go round to Mugg's place. Its defenitely not quiet. Actually its mad. We eat junk food and watch trash TV in between wiping little noses and bums and chasing kids back to bed because Mugg's mum and stepdad have taken the opportunity of free babysitters to go to the pub. So much for a romantic night in!

I feel better though, cuddled up to Muggs watching some unlucky wannabe being evicted from the Big Brother house. Mum's okay and tomorrow's saturday and we'll be back to normal again. I decide I like normal. I walk home on my own as Dee and Ron (Thats what they tell me to call them!) are still up the pub and I'm knackerd. The house is in darkness. I bet Dad dosent want to leave Mum. I run a bath and decide to go to bed. I'm asleep when Dad comes in but wake up when he puts his head round the door.

''What time is it?'' I mumble

''Not late. I waited till your mum went off to sleep. Shes fine. Go back to sleep now.'' He gives me a kiss. I smell alcohol. When i look at my radio alarm it says 1:45AM.

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AAAHHH OHHHH

ALCOHOL?.. and he said it wasnt late .. It was 1:45 in the morning!! ... whats he been getting up to ? .. :/

update next week maybe :) ... Love you Guys !!! <3