Rolling in the Deep

Part 5

As Eryn left the therapists office, she smiled. The consultation had gone really well, and she was excited to begin the work. As she walked to the tube, she began to feel a dull ache in the right side of her stomach. She stopped for a moment “God you’re unfit” she thought out loud, “who gets a stitch just walking down to the tube for god’s sakes?” she laughed at herself. Planting her Oyster card on the panel she walked through the barrier and her mind went to Taron at home, he had night shoots starting tonight and she knew he wasn’t looking forward to them, he was eager to get into the work as ever, but he struggled with the schedule.
Sending him a cheeky text while she rode the tube home, she teased him and hoped he didn’t have anything planned that afternoon. She had decided already to get an early night. The holiday had been amazing, but she was exhausted from all the travel and she was looking forward to bath and a cuddle, before Taron had to leave. She walked the short way to the flat, smiling at the security guard as she walked through the gates. As she entered the lift, the pain in her side suddenly became a sharp stab, taking her breath away and making her scream out.
As the door to the lift opened, she was shaking off the effect of the sudden pain. It had eased, though it was odd. She kicked her shoes off as she walked in “Taron?” she called out. There was no answer. AS she walked through to lounge, she saw his back was to her, he had his headphones on and was playing something on his record player, his eyes closed. The opportunity was too good to miss and she crept up to surprise him, she moved in to kiss the back of his neck. As another sharp pain hit her, this time causing her to drop to the lean on the sofa. Making Taron jump.
“Shit, babe is you ok?” he said pulling off his head. “I’m not sure, I keep getting this sharp pain in my tummy” she frowned. Looking concerned he patted the sofa “Come and sit, see if it helps, do you want me to grab some painkillers” he asked. Eryn lay on the sofa where it was warm from where Taron had been sitting and he perched next to her. “Yes please” she replied so Taron disappeared returning shortly after with a glass of water and two pills. When he did, he saw Eryn curled up, her eyes screwed shut. Eryn took the pills gratefully, “Babe grab the bin, I feel…” It was too late as Eryn threw up suddenly and violently. “Ok I’m calling the doctor” Taron said rubbing Eryn’s back gently with one hand whilst scrolling through his contacts at the same time.
The doctor was on their way, Eryn looked red as her temperature rose. Taron laid a cold flannel on her forehead. As she groaned and every now and then another stab hit her. She grabbed Taron’s hand when these happened. Soon the GP was knocking at the door. Taron greeted her and showed her though to Eryn. She examined her and thought for a moment “OK I’m calling you an ambulance” she said. Eryn and Taron looked at each other panicked “I think it might be an appendicitis, as it’s come on so quickly” she said. “It’ll be fine, you will need it out, but it’s routine. We just have to move quickly to get it out before its bursts” she continued.
Taron squeezed Eryn’s hand “Are you ok? I mean apart from the obvious” he asked and she nodded “T, you might need to throw some stuff in a bag I feel like I’ll be staying in” she asked and Taron went into the bedroom, he grabbed the overnight bag from under the bed and threw some nightwear, slippers and dressing gown into it, going through the draws he added anything he thought she might need. Moving to the bathroom he collected her toothbrush and other bits. As he was finishing, he heard Eryn shout out in pain. He appeared beside her “It’s getting worse?” He asked. She nodded looking small and scared. The paramedics knocked on the door and the GP met them explaining her findings.
The first responders were kind and making silly jokes, they lightened the tension. Eryn was placed on a wheelchair and wheeled to the lift as Taron followed grabbing both their jackets on the way passed. Once settled in the ambulance, the crew gave her some pain relief and her face softened as the pain reduced. Taron held her hand, chatting to her, he distracted her. She found the drugs making her drowsy and began to doze off. She could here Taron giving the paramedic her details and grew groggy.
When she woke, she was in a bed on the ward. She had a drip in her hand and her eyes were heavy. Stirring she saw Taron’s head on his arms, laid on the bed next to her. She touched his head and he looked up he too sleepy. “Hey, you” he said. “Something about his tone was confusing. “What happened, I fell asleep” she said, realising she had an oxygen tub in her nose. She wriggled it and Taron shook his head placing his fingers on it to stop her pulling it out.
She looked at him, his eyes were red as though he had been crying. “Did I have the op already?” she said groggily. Taron moved up and kissed her cheek. He rested his head on her shoulder and let out a huge exhale. “Taron what is it? What’s wrong?” Eryn was beginning to panic. It was just an appendicitis, why was Taron so upset? Why wasn’t he saying anything? She was confused and drowsy. Her eyes began to feel too heavy to stay open again. Taron hugged her burying his head in her neck. She fought hard but it was no good, she drifted into sleep again.
When she woke again, it was dark. As she attempted turning in the bed, she groaned her stomach screaming in pain. Scrunching up her eyes, her hand ran down her body to her stomach. Under her stomach button was a large dressing reaching around her body. She gingerly touched it with her fingertips. The pain was unbearable, and he hand fell to the side. Taron had been asleep in the chair, at the side of Eryn and was suddenly awake at her scream, he sprang to his feet bleary eyed he looked at Eryn “What is it babe?” he croaked. “Pain?” he asked “Press this” he told her placing a cylindrical item into her hand, it had a small button on the end and as she pressed it, she felt cold fluid run up her arm from her IV and shortly after the pain began to ease. “The nurse said, to hit that whenever you needed to” Taron explained.
He stroked the hair away from her eye and blinking quickly he looked into hers. He smiled slightly “How are you feeling?” he asked sweetly. “Better” she nodded. “Taron what happened, one minute I was in an ambulance and then… then here” Taron perched on the edge of the hospital bed. “You might want to be a bit more awake to hear it all babe” he said. Eryn knew that look; it was not a good look. It meant bad news. She wriggled uncomfortably over to make room for Taron.
He took her hand and stared at it, the engagement ring twinkled a little and he smiled at it running his index fingertip over it. “Baby, you had to have that hysterectomy” he said. Eryn was confused, “But why what happened, the GP told me I was stable”. Taron rubbed his eyes and looked at her “Eryn, you were pregnant sweetheart” he felt as if it weren’t him speaking and his vision blurred with the tears he fought back. Eryn’s mind was rushing and heart beating fast “But I can’t they said I couldn’t??” she rambled “They didn’t say you couldn’t conceive, apparently you just couldn’t carry.” he coughed and stood walking over to the wall he faced it as he steadied himself, staring at a stain that was on it.
“No, they, no I don’t remember” Eryn felt her breath catching in her chest, she refused to hear or accept this. No! she would never have not used contraception if she had even the smallest idea this could happen. Her mind was a blur as she looked at Taron. She realised her was still staring at the wall. “Taron?” He cleared his throat, wiping his eyes he turned and looked at her. She reached her hand out and he took it. Sitting back on the bed. “Don’t do that” she demanded firmly “please don’t turn away from me” she added. His eyes ran across the expression on her face, she was reacting unlike anything he thought. She was angry, he was angry too.
He laid his head on her chest, listening to the raid pace of her heart. “The baby, how old was it?” she asked him quietly “8 weeks” he answered. His eyes stared at her stomach, it rose and fell with each of her breaths. “So, it’s all gone now, everything?” she scowled trying to understand and process it. Thinking that she had time to get used to the idea of the procedure and its effects, she was now going to have to speed that process up. “I should have been more careful Eryn, I’m sorry” Taron spoke slowly “No Taron, it’s not your fault, we didn’t know this could happen, if anything it’s mine, I should have asked. I … didn’t even think” she trailed of as her hand found Taron’s forehead, her fingers massaged along the line of his hair as she to stared ahead in a daze.
After a long silence, Taron closed his eyes. Resting his hand on Eryn’s stomach about the wound. “I want it Taron” she whispered “I wanted it all and I wanted it for you too” she sniffed a little. The tears silently ran down her cheeks. “I want it back” she whined Taron turned and kissed the spot beneath him. “I can’t fix this, I want to fix it” he spoke softly, but his words were tinged with grief. Eryn resumed running her hands through his hair as he turned to face her, his face was full of desperation. Eryn nodded she hurt for them both, wanting to take away the pain in his eyes. Knowing what an amazing father he would be.
“Are we still parents?” she voiced the worst of her confusion “I don’t know” he admitted. “I feel like we were maybe” he said “Then I guess that’s what matters most” Eryn replied. Taron smiled at her sentimentality, it was something they both shared and it meant so much to him that they could be sentimental about the same things, he wouldn’t feel foolish or embarrassed. “Oh god Taron, all that champagne, did I? what if I?” Eryn began to hyperventilate thinking about the last 8 weeks and all the things she had done; did she cause this somehow? Taron sat up, holding her head in his hands “No, STOP” he shouted making her jump “Shit, sorry I… no Eryn, you didn’t do this” his eyes darted from between hers.
She swallowed and calmed after the fright, looking at him she nodded. “Phil” Taron growled punching the chair cushion. It shocked and scared Eryn, seeing the anger in him, though she understood his pain. “He did this Eryn!” he couldn’t look at her. “And I brought him into our lives, yours” she answered staring at Taron. “He did this to me, but Taron I did it to you by bringing him into your life, by allowing you to let me into yours” she finished. “Now don’t you get it, this is what I warned you about… Taron I need you to leave” she looked at the bed, her finger rolling the ring on her finger, pushing it up and almost off.
Taron watched her. “fine” he said angrily and walked out. Her body shook as her breath rattled through her ribcage. Her eyelashes fluttered and flashed as she gawped at the door, Taron’s ghostly shadow seemed to still be there, walking through over and over as she stared, he had really gone.