Rolling in the Deep

Part 10

Taron tossed and turned in bed that night, he slept for short naps but woke with the same image in his head. He looked at his phone it was 03.15am and as he looked across the room to the empty bed. He sighed and sat up. As he did the diary slipped out from under the pillow and down the bed. He picked it up and turned it over in his hand. It was blue satin covered book, with diary written in silver script on the cover. As he wondered what secrets it held and considered whether he should read it and maybe find a way to help his friend, he fought with the idea of betraying her privacy. He shook his head and lifted his pillow putting it back, as he did a slip of paper fell from the book.

Picking it up he realised it was a bunch of short poems, without thinking he read them. The date at the top was the day before the review and he noticed a time was even added to the date 02.10am.

Like a penny dropped in an arcade machine,

We know not where we fall

Do we land among the pile of pennies?

Or out there on the edge

Looking at the drop, the place where we will land

Can we see the end of our journey?

This life made out of luck

Without control or choices

Of where we end up.

==============================

Mother Earth, you created me,

You chose the place in this world for me,

You chose the journey of life for me

Only you can answer me

Why did you make the choices you made?

What in me did you create?

Why was I the chosen for the litany?

Of challenges you laid in front of me.

Balance that life with good and with bad,

Why then is this, mine created only with bad and with bad

I have drown in so many tears the spring is forever dry

No longer are there tears to cry

Was is some kind of sense of humour I simply dont get?

Were you and death using my life in a bet?

Was I an experiment?

Tell me the result and who won?

Was the aim of this to see me undone?

To unravel my soul and see my bones?

The barest humanity laid bare for your fun

Congratulations to the winner,

As Taron finished reading the poems, he found himself determined to get in to see you. He climbed into his chair and rolled over to your bed, he easily found paper and pens, your drawers full of various stationary, made him smile. He rolled back to his own bed, in case he was spotted and began to write a letter, something he could get to you, if he physically couldnt. He sat and screwed up page after page. Growing more and more frustrated. He sighed and instead of thinking to hard he simply wrote.

Y/n I dont pretend to understand, but as I sit here, I know

I need you to hear me. To hold on for me, to not let go. I cannot

Claim to know what hurts you, what pulls you down.

I understand and know hopelessness, I know anxiety and fear.

You have been there for me, when I was just a stranger.

Maybe we are strangers still. But let this stranger be there for you.

I will help you out of the tunnel you feel trapped in,

I will pull you out of the hole, the darkness is temporary.

You are not alone, and I need you to fight,

if you feel you have no energy left use mine, do whatever you need to do,

take what you need from me. Come back!

T

Taron checked the corridor, it was empty, so he wheeled quietly as possible out the double doors and across the car park to the main hospital building. It was almost empty, but for a few people milling about. A pregnant mother and her partner were pacing near the maternity entrance and Taron thought about new life. Feeling sentimental he chose to see it as a hopeful sign and pressed on. Following the signs to intensive care, he finally arrived. Not having thought through what he was going to do, and not expecting to actually have made it this far. He was flummoxed. It was then the automatic double door opened and a young woman walked out, her arm around a frailer, older woman. Using the opportunity, he darted through the open door.

The intensive care had just 8 beds and all were occupied. Most patients were connected to numerous machines, laid flat in their beds in the darkened room. It was impossible from a distance to make you out. As Taron looked desperately around for a name tag of some kind, he finally spotted your name and quietly made his way over.

You were laid flat, a number of wires rain from different parts of your body and the results beeped on the monitor. Heart rate, blood sugar, oxygen levels. Taron was sad to see the litter of varied cuts and bruising that covered your body. Your right arm in a cast. The side of your head had been shaved and he could see a newly sutured line in the area where your short, pink hair was once. You stirred a little, opening your eyes. Blinking in the dark, your vision zoned in on someones face.

You must have been dreaming you thought as you recognised Taron. He smiled sadly at you and held your fingers in his hand, avoiding the cannula in the back of it. I had to see that you were ok, for myself he whispered. I am dreaming you whispered back, making Taron chuckle. Youre doped up, but no Im here. You felt your heart race and the monitor registered the change, causing it to beep. Fuck you groaned. Realising the machine was giving you away. Taron felt his stomach flip, when he too understood.

I have your diary, Ive not read it, but I think the nurses were after it, so I kept it safe he told you. Thank you for keeping it safe, I dont need everyone reading that you groaned as your eyes felt heavy. How are you feeling? Or is that a stupid question he asked. You looked at Taron, confused by his presence still I am doing well you rolled your eyes as if frustrated to still be here and not done the job you had hoped for. I know youre not happy about that y/n, but I am he said firmly. You couldnt work it out, looking into his eyes he seemed to be saying he cared, but he didnt even know you and well no one really cared, not about you. It was all very confusing.

Taron didnt want to overwhelm you, so he looked around and kissed your hand gently. Placing the note into it. Im going to let you rest he said You scrunched your face up as you lifted up the piece of paper. He put his hand on yours and laid it back down Read it later he said still checking around for nurses. He knew he didnt have much time, or hed get caught. Ill come back at visiting ok? he smiled, his eyes sparkling. You managed to nod and watched him go.

Looking at the paper in your hand, it was too dark to read in this light and you couldnt turn a light on without attracting attention. The note would have to wait til morning.