Rolling in the Deep

Part 12

Part 12

Taron sat looking watching the workmen fixing the broken window, he was transfixed. His review had finally happened, and the news wasnt good. The words echoed in his head as he stared ahead. He now understood what made you run through the glass, if it had been there still, he too would have followed right now. But images of his friends and family, held him in place. Images of your battered body too. You saw him from a distance, having seen him being called in. You tried to stay close, knowing he would need someone no matter how positive the results.

Rolling over, as best you could with the cast on your arm. You tapped your wheels against his, to let him know you were there. Not wanting to startle him. His head turned and his broke from his daydream. Hey he said quietly a fake smile appearing as he wheeled around to face you. Seeing through, you suggested the two of you head to your room for some privacy. He nodded.

You stopped by his bed and without a second thought, crawled up on to the end leaving room for him. He climbed up the other end and sat quiet. That bad? you asked allowing the silence to be broken. I dont want to feel sorry for myself y/n he said avoiding eye contact. Hey, its not feeling sorry for yourself, to feel fucking shit Taron you sounded cross, but it was at the way people were forced to feel guilt over normal reaction to this shit. What exactly did they say? you say. Taron raises his eyes for a second, before muttering that his hip needs replacing and even with replacement, he will never be back to his pre injured self. He waits for the shock or feigned sadness from you but is surprised by the reaction.

And thats it yeah you say looking down at your own body. He feels suddenly guilty, not even being aware of how your disability affects you. He feels terrible now for failing to pay attention to anyone else in group he looks around the unit and its like reality hits him. He now sees everyone. Each with their own personal struggle. He looks at Sam, back on the unit after a week at home, she now begun to lose the sight in her right eye and her left leg is no longer moving to the degree it was a week ago. She is fighting her body for every inch of movement; she has three young children. She needs to be around and capable of caring for them. Marley and JoJo are joking in the main room, whilst playing board games JoJo pulls out twister and the two bursts into laugher. It makes Taron laugh too.

He realises that he has kept himself out of a group of people he should have taken the time for. You watch his gaze as it travels, understanding his realisation. One you too had to have as part of your own journey, from inner selfishness to understanding your place in the world didnt disappear when the body you were given fails. He dropped his eyes, ashamed. But you smile and lift his chin moving nearer. Hey you say looking into those sweet, green-blue eyes One step at a time, we are all just working on one step at a time she had chosen her words deliberately. He looked at her and was grateful for her company and her friendship.

Im sorry, I never paid attention to anyone else, I dont even know whats going on with you? he said reddening Tell me? he said looking firmly into your eyes. I walked across a room Taron you answered, and he looked at you, he felt the pain. I just walked across a room you swallowed. This being your protection, humour. The reality was that is made you furious, that such a simple and normal action, one people all over the world do every few seconds. Something you couldnt now do.

Then he said. You stopped; your tactic was shock. No one had pressed passed the I walked across a room comment it was enough for people to stop, usually. You swallowed, looking at him and before you were able to stop them, the words tumbled out. I fell, I landed flat on my back you said. He nodded, listening intently. They said I squashed 3 bones into the space of one, my spinal cord was running through them You dropped your head, running your hand along your legs.

I started out in a brace, thought Id be better in 6 weeks you continued to describe the journey to the unit and how you had come to today. Taron reached forward and placed his hand on top of yours. Saying nothing, his eyes were sorrowful. Thats fucked up he smiled breaking the tension you laughed. Nodding, he moved closer and pulled you into a hug. Your head rested on his shoulder; it had been so long since someone held you. Taron felt your body relax into his and he knew how badly you felt the need for his comfort. His hand rested on top of the area of your original injury. He was careful not to hurt you, acutely aware of the newer ones. So, what happened the other day? he whispered as he looked over your shoulder.

He felt you stiffen momentarily but was glad to feel you relax again. I told the medics I would fight to walk again you said softly. He moved back and looked at you Ok he was a little confused. But I cant do it, I am not strong enough you stared at a section of folded material on Tarons jumper as you spoke, unable to look at him. I think after all of what you told me, you are more than strong enough, what are you scared of? you shot a look at him. As if he had cut right through to the truth, Taron had got to the core of you.

Leaving here, I guess you admitted The real world you said softly. You sat in silence for a while, Taron pulled you back into a hug and laid the pair of you out onto the bed. You laid you head on his chest. Feeling his heart beating as fast and strong as yours. I think thats normal y/n, we are all safe in here, away from the world. But you have to try, it might not be as bad as you think Taron offered after a while. I know I seem strong and in control Taron, but Im like a swan, my feet are padding like mad underneath you replied. Thats all of us, though isnt it

Im sorry about your hip you said, Taron nodded. I know exactly how you feel about leaving, imagine being up there in front of the world, a cripple he sounded as angry as you had. But Taron, you have an opportunity now, I know its not one you wanted, but maybe you could show the world, our world, make the world aware that we are all here and we deserve as much light as anyone else you were worried he would think you selfish, wanting him to take on the world. But Taron seemed to be taking in your words and contemplating them. I hadnt thought of it that way he finally answered. Its just an idea you began, but he shook his head no its a good idea, I just need to think about it all, you know he said softly.

You could feel his warmth and the gentle rhythm of his breath, was lulling you to sleep. He smelt like home, you thought. Whatever that meant. There was a loud cough as a team of medics entered the room. The pair of you moved quickly away and you climbed into your chair. Ms y/s/n can you return to your own bed we need to speak with you the lead doctor asked. Once by your bed the medics pulled the curtain around.

Taron did his best to eavesdrop, but his bed was nearer the corridor and noise from the ward, made it impossible. When the curtain was finally pulled back and the medics left. He saw you curled up on the bed. From the shaking movements, he could tell that you were crying. He scrambled into the chair and came over. What happened he asked They are transferring me you managed through wracking sobs To a fucking psyche ward you spat as you crumbled,

The End.