Rolling in the Deep

Part 6

Amita was waiting with an empty chair at group, she had been called to something during physio and was clearly dying to share. “Ok come on you have ants in your pants, spit it out” you said “I’m free” she trilled. You heart dropped “you’re being discharged? When? I mean omg Amita that’s amazing” you did all you could to hide your devastation. It had been Amita that buoyed you when things were tough, who talked to you by phone when neither of you slept and now, she was going.
     But before you could talk more, Bill began the session. The usual round of ‘story’ went round, few had much to say. But Amita of course got a rousing cheer and happy shouts, you knew that your grin was false, but you did your best to fight the urge to run off and hide. You were thankfully paired with Amita for the activity and as Amita was going, the activity was one focussed on after the unit. The unit had been a place you resented and hated at the start, but now it was safety and solidarity. Home was lonely and isolated. It turned out that Amita was leaving on the Sunday coming, just 2 days away. A party would be had Saturday evening as always.
You lay in bed, staring at the ceiling crying softly. When Taron made you jump, he had managed without making a sound, to get into his chair and get to your bed, he was now pulling himself up to sit next to you. You didn’t know how to react, as he suddenly hugged you. His arms were strong and safe, you didn’t mean to but, you couldn’t stop yourself. Strong, wracking sobs suddenly began and as Taron soothed you by rocking gently and cooing you couldn’t help but let go. As your body was done and the tears subsided. You pulled out of his arms.
“I’m sorry y/n I just couldn’t spend another night, hearing you cry and do nothing” he said earnestly. In the semi darkness, you couldn’t see him well, you were glad as you probably looked a sight, you thought. “Thank you, I didn’t realise you could hear me” you admitted. “It’s no problem at all, are you ok? I mean I know you’re not ok, you’re in here but…” Taron babbled “What I mean is, is there anything I can do to help?” he asked. “One-way trip to dignitas?” you asked. Dignitas was the most well-known, assisted suicide centre in Europe and the only place for those who wanted helping to die. Taron frowned “Gallows humour?” he asked “I hope, it’s not that bad, is it?” you hadn’t meant to scare or worry Taron, but most of those on the unit had even if only fleetingly considered the choice not to carry on in their current state.
“It’s complicated Taron” you replied. A smile spread across his face, “I wondered when you would forget and use my real name” he said. Covering your mouth you realised your mistake “omg” you replied “ It’s okay, I knew you had worked it out” he said “Thank you for keeping quiet about it” he added “none of my business. Taron” she said. “The alias is that to stop the press or ?” she asked “Well it started out for that reason, but I figured it stopped all the questions in here and everything” “I get that” “Thank you for the hug, I guess I needed that. I haven’t cried like that in decades” you admitted “wow bet you feel better now, and anytime” he replied.
“I better get back, before someone finds me in your bed” he said cheekily “Now that would be quite the scandal that’s for sure” you laughed. “But seriously” he said, “anytime you need to talk or a hug, I’m right here ok?” He climbed awkwardly into bed. “I think you might sleep well now, crying is a good sleep aid” he said “Yeah, I know. Good night Dave” you called quietly across the room, emphasising the name. “Sweet Dreams y/n”