It started with a look

why?

Hello cherubs. I usually leave a note for the end of the chapter but I felt I needed to do this first. When you read this chapter, it's going to make you a little uncomfortable. What happens to Rose is from my own experience. Everything that is said and done, I've done it. If you have a friend or family member that suffers from depression, anxiety maybe even panic attacks, don't ask them what's wrong. Don't ask them what to do....instead, hold them. Tell them you are with them. Rub their backs calmly, or maybe their heads. Tell them you'll both get through it together, tell them their not alone. Do what's comfortable for them, cause when a breakdown happens all reasoning goes out the door

Kiss kiss hug hug

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(Rose POV)

Loneliness....it was never something I felt or even associated with myself. I always had someone....someone always loved me, but now....loneliness Is all I feel

I feel so cut off from everyone it's depressing. I have the woman I've fallen head over heels in love with, asleep in my arms. My best-friend is next to me, holding Mandy who i class as a friend and yet, they couldn't be further away from me

My heart aches just thinking how alone I am. Nobody cares for me, nobody wants me....at least, that's what my brain is telling me. A part of me is telling me otherwise but it gets drowned out by the hateful things I tell myself I'm ugly. I'm pathetic. I'm a nuisance. I'm better off dead. I'm a burden to everyone around me. Die you stupid bitch. You're torturing these people by being around them. Carla doesn't love you. She feels sorry for you. Who would love someone as disgusting as you? So much hate towards myself and I don't know where it's coming from

I gently remove Carla from my lap and lay her on the couch. I stand up and start walking out of the living room "Where are you going?" Tania asks

"I haven't worked out for a couple of days, I thought I'd get a couple of reps in" I smile towards her, it's fake and full of pain but I hide it as best as I can

"Okay" She looks at me by squinting her eyes, like she's trying to catch me out in a lie "Call if you need anything"

"I will" I quickly leave my room and head into my bedroom. Finding some workout clothes, I quickly change and head to the workout room my Mum graciously had made for me She does to much for me at her own expense. I'm such a moocher. It's better if she just quits on me. I'm nothing but trouble

I stand at the punching bag and groan. I have absolutely no energy but I want to keep up my training. I put on my gloves and get into a stance. I hit the bag once....it doesn't move. I hit it again, but still nothing. It's like I'm a beginner again Jab jab uppercut punch Still no motion

I decide to warm up on the bike. Setting it to medium, I peddle my feet Useless, that's all you are I turn on some music and blast out of the speakers Within Temptation - And we run