Thorns and Berries

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Hameed

It didn't take me much difficulties finding her on the island. She was seated behind a mature coconut tree few meters away from where she parked her car, cross-legged and staring into space, looking as though nothing else mattered except that which she was staring at.

I parked my car close to hers and quietly joined her on the sands while she stared ahead as if taking no notice of my presence.
   
I stared at her piteously and wished so bad to pull her close to myself hugging her tight and whispering into her ears that all will be right once more.

Not now. But definitely someday.

I had expected to see her in tears and was a bit relieved she shed none but yet, he could tell how she was feeling right now. No amount of tears shed could take away that feeling of pain, heartbreak and betrayal. He wished he could take away the pains from her this instant. He had been there before and he hated that she was going through the same too.
          "How did you find me here?" She asked after they both sat in silence for a few minutes, doing absolutely nothing but staring into the empty air and sharing the pains her heart carried.
           "Magic." He replied, not wanting to drag the answer any further. The truth was, while he was still in the party waiting for Husna to come back from the restroom where she had excused herself to, two of her friends: one, chubby and the other, slim, hurried to him and narrated everything that has transpired between Husna and Salma, pleading that he followed and catch up with Husna who had left the party to no particular direction that they knew of. They needed to be sure she was alright all by herself. He had then gone to search for her, first starting with the nearest: the coconut island where he had come to find her.
          "I know this sounds really selfish but the truth is,....all my life, I never felt complete, Hameed." She spoke again after another round of silence between them. "Even though my aunties were always there for me, I still felt this large vacuum that needed filling. I've never met my mother before. Can't even tell what she looks like. No one talk about her except on rare occasions."
    Hameed frowned deeply now. Somehow, he found her story weird. Somehow, he felt maybe her family was hiding something from her. Something that was related to her mother. But he didn't want to say anything to upset her more than she already was, right now.
        "Why? Do you at least know where she buried?" He asked.
        "I don't."
        "That's really odd. Are you sure she's really dead?"
     She looked at him and that was when he noticed for the first time, her reddened swollen eyes. She had been crying.
        "My mother is dead. If she wasn't, she'd still be with me by now."
         "My mother isn't dead. Yet, she doesn't even care to see me." He said, lowering his eyes to the ground. He disliked that he had to talk about the woman that had totally forgotten about his existence. He never said a word about her to other people but finding himself saying this to Husna right now, made him realize that maybe he truly wanted to do anything just to help her out of her suffering and get back on her feet again.
     Even though she gave him a blank stare, he knew she was taken aback by his revelation.
         "What about Fatima? Isn't she your mother?"
         "Fatima is my mother, although she did not give birth to me. My birth mother was the second wife of my father. Then after having me, she started to cause troubles and unhealthy rivalries in our family and then, just like that..., poof! Disappeared out of our lives one fateful morning, leaving me: a two years old child alone with my father and Fatima." He could see her gaze prolong on him before she looked away, staring back into space again.
        "You're lucky, you know. Fatima treats you like her very own."
    He twitched his lips into a small smile, feeling grateful as usual, for Fatima's motherly love and care which he was sure his own real mother would never be able to give. He wondered what had become of her and if she was happily married to another man with lots of children who would be his half-siblings. He felt suddenly hurt, knowing that his mother could comfortably live her life without even bothering to know what her first son had turned out to be.
         "Yea. Fatima is a very good woman. She may seem tough in the exterior but on the inside, she is a soft and kind soul."
        "Good for you. My father's wife hates me. Know something else? When I was younger, I'd always feel different from the other girls. I was the lame one who wore large fat glasses with thick lenses. Some people would look at me like an alien out of space. A black girl with grey eyes? Very funny." She laughed weakly. "I felt really bad and depressed whenever other people chose Salma over me.  Maybe if I had a mother, I wouldn't have felt that way. Maybe she would have held me so close to her and whisper sweet words into my ears. Maybe she would have been by my side every now and then."
         "Don't be so hard on yourself."
       "Salma was right about me. I'm nothing but a loser. I have nothing to offer. I'm sure Jide would've taken over my job in the office completely, by now. And I just lost the one who wanted to get married to me, to Salma. I really am such a loser." She gave a burst of bitter laughter again at the last part and after that, she began to give short sniffles and sharp intakes of breaths, and he knew she was crying again.
   He felt a lump caught up in his throat and he swallowed hard. He felt instantly angry at her boyfriend and at Salma. He knew Husna did not deserve any of these. No one does. He felt like storming back into the party and ripping the life off Salma and that Kareem of her boyfriend. Those cheating fools. He had always known Salma was a desperate and ambitious woman since the time she had fought with Aneesa to take a place in his life. He just never knew she could be this terrible of a person to do such to her own cousin. 
          "Hey....," He whispered to her and gently pulled her closer to him, letting her snuggle her head  on his shoulder. He wished he could do something more to help her out of her situation. But he felt weak that he could do nothing other than give her a shoulder to cry on. He had to let her feel the pain. Pains must be felt before the healing process could begin.
          "Hush now and be fine. I'll be here for you. I'll never leave your side. Ever." He could hear her sniff again and felt his shoulders wet from her tears.
            "I suck, Hameed. I'm such an ugly disgusting sucker. No one will ever love me." She gave a low weak whisper.
        "No, you're not, Husna." It pained him to hear such coming from her. "Never let anyone convince you that you don't deserve love. You are my angel. My beautiful savior. And there's no way my savior sucks." He rubbed his hands against her arm to soothe her. "Come to think of it,..... I've never heard of crying angels before. Why then are thou saddened, oh fair angel?"
    He could hear her give another laugh. This time, sounding like a real laughter.
           "Anyone ever told you your Shakespeare inspired words sucks?"
     He joined her in laughing, not at his own joke but in gratitude that she could laugh again.
          "I know, right. But I tried. I guess that makes us two suckers." Exhaling deeply, he added. "So...., what are you planning on doing now?"
     She took longer than a minute before giving a reply.
         "I'd be going to aunt Basma's place from here. That's where I live. Asokoro."
         "And what happens to Salma's wedding party?"
         "Let her die there with her sins."
     He sighed again. In as much as he detested Salma greatly now, he wasn't of the support that her wedding party be ruined. He hoped Husna saw reasons with him too.
        "No, Husna. You are better than this. Don't do this."
   She raised her head to look at him now, her brows furrowed in surprise. He could see her tears soaked face and her swollen eyes and wished right now, that he goes back on his opinion about helping Salma. She really did deserve hell for putting Husna through all of these pains.
         "What are you saying, Hameed? I am done being a people pleaser. You told me to quit that, remember. I know better now and I know I want to be like you. I want to stop caring about other people's feelings."
   He shook his head as she spoke. He wished so much now, that he had never said a thing like that to her.
         "No, Husna. No. Don't...."
         "I want to stop caring, Hameed. I want to be a one-man army. I want to be heartless. I want to be like you."
         "No, no, no. Stop saying that."
          "Hameed. No. I've been so stupid all these while.  I want to be as smart as you now."
           "No, Husna. You can't...."
            "Yes, I can. Just teach me and I'll learn. I want to be like you, Hameed."
            "I am like the devil himself. Everything Kamal told you about me was true. You should never dream of being like me. No one should. I am like the flames of hell. I burn hot."
    A sudden quiet fell on them and he prayed fervently inside, that she would fear him. Just this one.
          "I like to play with fire, Hameed."
          "Fire burns you." He felt silly saying that. Of course she wasn't a child. And even though she was, she would know that fire really does burns.
          "But you didn't."
           "And that is because I couldn't."
           "Why?"
   He let their gaze interlock in each other's as he wondered how he would answer her question. What was he to say? That he couldn't burn her because he wanted to save her like she had saved him? That he couldn't burn her because he wanted to protect her and have her to himself every single moment?
        "Let's go back to the party. Salma needs you even more, now." He said instead and she sprung up and began stomping her foot away to nowhere in particular, yelling a harsh 'NO' at him. He hurried to catch up with her and turned her sharply around to face him.
         "You are better than this, Husna. Do not let the negativity of others influence you."
          "Oh, yes, I will!" She flared at him. "It's time I start looking out for myself too. She took Kareem away from me while she is happily getting married to another man. She took my love away from me. The only man that had ever and would ever love me!" By now, she had tears streaming down her face again and he could not help but feel a little mad at her when she mentioned that Kareem was the only man that could truly love her. How foolish and insecure was she to think so low about herself!
        "Wait a second. You think that cheat of a boyfriend is the only man whose love you deserve? You think he's your alpha and omega? Don't be so stupid, Husna. Stop beating yourself over nothing."
           "It's something!" She yelled back at him again."I just lost my boyfriend if you don't understand me yet. You know what?" She hit a palm on her temples now as she shook her head, as if making a tough decision. "I want to forgive him. I really love him. I want to go back to him again. I don't want to lose him. Not now. Not ever."
   He scoffed, finding her words really stupid and highly ridiculous.
         "Don't be so pathetic, Husna. You are only saying this because you think you cannot do without him. He doesn't deserve you. If you feel like your world has ended because of that man, then replace him with me. Let me be your boyfriend. Let me give you the love that you deserve."
    It was as if there was a pause in time. Nothing seemed to move or breathe and the only thing his brain could capture was Husna's raised brows and surprised stare. Even himself was taken aback by his words. Did he just offer to be her boyfriend? How did such an idea even cross through his mind in the first place? But still, he wouldn't go back on his words now. If replacing Kareem's absence in her life would get her back on her feet, then he was was ready to do just that. No matter the cost.
          "Let me be your boyfriend, Husna. Then you be a good girlfriend and do as I say. Get back into that party and show them that they didn't break you, and unlike them who do not know the essence of family, you do know that enough to want to do anything for your loved ones. No matter how much they might have hurt you."
   
❄❄❄❄❄
       Husna      
   At first, she couldn't believe Hameed's crazy offer to be her boyfriend and even though she was aware of how stupid  and immature her hormones reacts whenever he came around, she hated to accept his suggestion. She felt as though it would be like she was taking advantage of the situation and trying to hook him to herself. But then, when he had talked about showing them they did not break her and that she was anything unlike them, she had picked up the motivation and courage all of a sudden and wiping her tears dry, accepted his offer and hurried back to her car, driving back to the party and leaving Hameed behind (He had asked that she left alone).
    And as she drove back to the party, she felt the sudden lightness of her heart as if she hadn't been sulking just a few minutes back. Hameed was right. She only felt bad because she had thought she couldn't do without him. And now that Hameed had offered to be his replacement, she felt as if she was not as alone as she had thought she was, and maybe......, maybe Hameed had feelings for her just as she admits she did for him and things might eventually work out for them.
   She hit her head with a hand and cursed at herself for her crazy assumptions. Hameed was not in love with her. He was just repaying the favor she had done in his life. That, she was sure of. Still, she couldn't bring herself to really believe he was her boyfriend now. He wasn't entirely serious when he had said that, was he?
   She met Ummulkhairi and Sandra at the parking lot and she could tell they had been putting their eyes on the road for her and as soon as they set sight on her, heaved in relief.  They quickly rushed to her after she alighted from her car, giving her supportive hugs, asking how she was doing and Husna knew, from their actions and the looks on their faces, that they were worried about her and wished they could do more to help her. She had assured them that she would be fine and when she asked about Salma, Sandra had replied:
          "She ran out of the party soon as you left. She was in tears and it seems she was remorseful for what she had done to you. I don't trust that witch sha. Her ex boyfriends just left now too. Looks like they're fed up already."
        "My guess is that she's gone back to the mansion. Salma's mother, Kaka and some of your relatives rushed after her. It's game over now." Ummulkhairi added.
        "Jezz!" Husna hopped back into the car, starting the engine again. Things didn't have to happen this way. In as much as she wished Salma reaps the evil fruit she had sown, she wouldn't want to gamble her future with this.
          "Where are you going to?" Ummulkhairi's anxious question came.
        "To bring her back to the party and prove to her that I am not a failure. I may suck at little things but I am the best when it comes to saving the things others treasure."
❄❄❄❄❄
   She raced her way up the stairs to Salma's room as soon as she got into the house, to meet Hajiya Farida, Kaka, Hajiya Amira, Maryam and Kakkan Hajjo banging hard against the door, begging behind the closed door, that Salma opens up.
    As soon as Hajiya Farida set eyes on Husna, she pleaded with teary eyes that she speaks to Salma and make her come out of the room. Husna had assured her not to worry. She would convince Salma to open up. The women had then left her for the living room, giving her space to talk to Salma with crossed fingers.
      She exhaled deeply and knocked against the door and when she did not get a reply from Salma, she knocked on it again.
        "Even if you're going hard on yourself and beating yourself for your mistakes, do not worsen it by dragging others down the mud with you." She said behind the closed door, knowing fully well that Salma was inside and could hear her clearly. "If there's anyone that should be doing what you're doing right now, that should be me." She added.
         "I deserve worse, Husna. I am such an animal. I hate myself so much right now." Salma finally spoke up, amidst sharp intakes of breath and Husna could tell she was crying. Whether it was an honest or sincere tears, she couldn't tell. But one thing she was sure of, was that, for Salma to desert her wedding party and lock herself up in her room for this, then she might truly be remorseful.
         "Yes, you do, Salma. You deserve hell." She said, meaning every word she said. "But first of all,... let's go back to the party. Haruna is waiting. The guests are waiting. Everyone is waiting."
     No sound came from Salma for an entire minute and just as soon as Husna got wondering what was going on with her, the door gently creaked open to reveal Salma with tears soaked face, smudged with mascara and melting makeup and Husna's face fell on seeing her that way. This shouldn't be happening on her wedding day. Not at all.
           "I don't deserve any of your goodness, Husna. I underestimated you. I treated you bad and I deserve to be treated the same way." She said and Husna nodded in agreement of all she had said against herself and she gulped back a heavy lump down her throat.
          "Yes. You are right. But after the wedding party."
         "I am not going back to that party. Tell Haruna not to come look for me ever again. I don't deserve any of you."
        "Are you being serious right now? For God's sake, Salma! Have a heart for once!"
        "Yes, I am. I don't even see why you still chose to come here and look for me even after all I've done to you. I ruined your relationship with Kareem. I swear to God I never knew he was your boyfriend."
         "You never did? Are you saying the truth right now?" Husna asked with a doubting stare.
        "I did not. He never spoke to me of you either. If I knew, I wouldn't have had anything to do with him in the first place."
       "I never thought of that." Husna said, realization dawning upon her now. If Salma had known she was in a relationship with Kareem, she wouldn't have had anything to do with him. She was wild but....no. Not this. Even though Salma was greatly changed from how she had known her, she was sure there was still some atom of good in her.
       "I swear it, Husna. Wallahi."
      "And what about what you said about hating me? Was that also true?"
  She hesitated for a few seconds before she sniffed some tears back in again and answered:
       "No, Husna. I was just jealous of you."
   Husna had the sudden urge to laugh, feeling this was all nothing but a stand up comedy show. Salma was jealous of her? Why? How? What reason could that be? She didn't see any reason for Salma of all people to be jealous of a loser like herself.
       "I was jealous of everything you owned." Salma continued, lowering her head to the ground this time, in shame. "You are everything I'm not. You are smart, very caring and good natured and worst of it all...., you seemed to have captured Hameed's heart. Something no girl was able to do. Not even me."
   Husna let herself laugh sarcastically this time, to ease herself of the tension she felt inside. She found it hard to believe all that Salma had just said. That was very impossible.
       "You're being silly now, aren't you?" She could only say.
       "I'm not. I know everything about the two of you. Kamal told me. You were the first girl he had ever shown to his mother. He treats you like a queen. The way he looks at you, the way he speaks to you. He could do anything to please you. For him to fight his brother over you,....that was enough to show how he feels for you. He couldn't control himself and fell for you just under a few days. Even though he might not admit to himself or to anyone that he is having feelings for you, I know he is."
    It was as if Salma's words had muted her and she couldn't think of anything else to say. Her head instead, replayed her moments with Hameed and figured Salma was right. He treated her like he wouldn't do to any other lady but yet, she refused to believe he had feelings for her. She couldn't tell why, but she just refused to believe he would have those kinds of feelings for her. Everything he did was to repay her for what she had done in his life.
        "He has strong feelings for you, Husna. Open your eyes and see that" Salma repeated.
         "Let's go back to the party." Husna made to change the topic.
         "No."
         "Do this if you want my forgiveness."
     Salma then convulsed into Husna's arm, crying her eyes out, saying a repeated 'I am so sorry' over a hundredth times while she stood still, patting her on the back to comfort her and throwing her face away as tears bathed down hers.
    Then, she had seen the most unusual image she had never thought she would see for the rest of her life. Aunt Karima and aunt Amina coming out of Kaka's room, arms around each other's as they chatted along. She could hear Kaka apologize to them for the trouble they had to go through, after being locked in the room. Husna did not bother to ask any questions but one thing she knew...., whatever had happened in that room during their short lock-down, had resulted to something not every eyes could handle seeing and not every tongue could be able to say. She couldn't identify aunt Karima from aunt Amina now. The only image she could see was of two happy carefree sisters who had buried their past hatchet and giving room for forgiveness to thrive. That instant, she chose to let everything go. The hurt, the pains. Even Kareem. Maybe not completely, but at least,.... for a start.