Exertion (Under editing!)

Questioning Why

Chapter One: Questioning Why

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Katsuki Bakugou has always been a secure kid, he has always been able to hold his ground. He also was able to accomplish anything that he put his mind to. Over the years this has changed though, he began to have a problem that affected his day to day life.

Bakugou's problem is depression, he didn't understand why he felt this way. He had always been a happy kid so it just didn't make any sense as to why he felt this way.

Maybe it was caused by the kidnapping or his attitude that pushed many people out of his life. Bakugou probably would never know why he has depression, all he knows is that some days he felt worthless.

Bakugou did have one person in his life though, his name was Eijiro Kirishima. Eijiro and Katsuki were called friends by many people, Bakugou didn't see it though.

Bakugou didn't see Kirishima as a friend, he only saw him as a person that tries to talk to him a lot. Bakugou would never admit that he actually liked having Kirishima around, he'd rather die than admit that.

Bakugou often found himself comparing himself to his classmates. His classmates were strong, and had amazing personalities. Bakugou felt as though he was nothing compared to them, this caused him to feel as if he was going insane at times.

The blonde has always had trouble showing his emotions, he struggled with showing that he was happy or sad. He felt as though people would judge him if he smiled, so he never did. The only time he would show any other emotion beside anger was when he would cry alone at night.

Bakugou knew that he had problems, he didn't know who to talk to about it so he never did. Bakugou couldn't go to his mom about this because in fear of her seeing him weak, his father was for the same reason. Bakugou definitely couldn't talk to Kirishima about his problems because the redhead shouldn't have to deal with others' problems.

There was one person who Bakugou used to talk to about everything. Izuku Midoriya, or as Bakugou liked to call him, Deku. Midoriya was always the kindest and most honest person, both him and Bakugou used to be friends in middle school before Bakugou got his quirk.

They stopped being friends because Bakugou loathed the thought of people in his life, he felt like there was no reason to have anyone special.

Bakugou regrets abandoning Midoriya. The blonde has watched from afar as Midoriya got stronger and grew in height. It was absolute hell to watch, all he's ever wanted was to be close to Midoriya. It was Bakugou's fault that he was like this.

All Bakugou has ever wanted to be in life is strong. He wanted to be able to take on the world, but he knew that he couldn't and this was what was holding him back. The crushing thought of being a failure in life, Bakugou was unhappy with his life for some reason, he had yet to figure out why he felt this way. He felt like he was unwanted, a total reject to society.

The exertion of going through every day with a fake face was finally catching up to him. Bakugou faked putting on a face every day so that it wouldn't affect anyone else, he never wanted to be a nuisance.

Bakugou felt worthless at school, every day he would yell and curse out his fellow classmates, take his built up anger out on them. Being temperamental was a big issue for Bakugou, he couldn't control that part of him, it was too difficult. Bakugou knew that people hated it for him but it was better this way.

Bakugou self-harmed, he himself did not think that it would be considered self-harm since he deserved it. Many of his nights were spent letting his quirk burn the top layer of his skin on his thighs.

He didn't understand why he self-harmed, it just felt as though it was helping him. Burning himself gave him control of what he was making himself feel, he couldn't control his emotions but burning gave him the control of his pain.

He just wanted to feel in control again, like when he was a kid. He can still remember the first time that he burned his thigh.

It was in the school bathroom at lunch. Kirishima had shown him something on his plate which had somehow then fallen on his uniform, so Bakugou went to the bathroom to clean the disgusting school food off of his clothes.

While cleaning off the food his quirk went off, burned a bit of his skin on his arm. He didn't think too much of it until he looked down at the small burn mark. The red skin stood out against his pale complexion, it made him want more.

Bakugou had actually burned his arms for a week before his teacher pointed it out. Bakugou told his teacher it was just because he was training too much, that was not true at all.

The next day Bakugou burned in a place that was much harder to see, his thigh. After that he only self-harmed on his thigh, no one ever noticed it. Bakugou learned quickly to just ignore the people that asked how he was doing.

Bakugou's dad clearly knew that was something going on with his son, he just didn't know what. His mom on the other hand never really talked to Bakugou.

Bakugou talked to his dad everyday if he had the chance to, he found it relaxing when he talked to his dad, it always helped the terrible thoughts go away. Bakugou's mom was much different, it was only yelling with her around.

As life went on Bakugou trained and worked hard on trying to get the best grades and number one spot as a hero in training.

Feeling worthless was always in the back of Bakugou's head, it never left no matter what he did. Some days it was more present while on other days it was barely ever there. On the days that it was present Bakugou stayed in his dorm room alone, he didn't come out for food.

Kirishima was often worried for his friend when these days happened, he would knock for hours on Bakugou's door only to get no response. Kirishima knew that he shouldn't try and pry into his friends private life but at times it just made him worry too much.

Other people in Bakugou's class also noticed his odd behavior, many believed he was just being moody while others believed that he was going through something.

Midoriya was the first to notice the change in Bakugou. Over the years he slowly saw the blonde change, saw him withdraw from people, even saw the shine that was once in Bakugou's eyes disappear.

Midoriya had zero clues on why Bakugou was acting this way, all he knew was that he cared for Bakugou too much to see him go through this alone.

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Thank you for reading the first chapter! <3