Semblance

[2]

I must have fallen asleep. Someone shakes me by the shoulders.

—It's time to go.

I crack an eye open. My aunt is leaning over me with a worried expression.

—Come on...

I let her pull me up. My legs are steady. My hands are a bit numb because I've rested on them a bit too long.

—Sorry...

I rub my eyes. She probably has looked for me everywhere. She had to stay behind to finish the burial when I left. She must have been worried sick that I would do something stupid. It's not as if it hasn't happened in the last few days.

—Don't mention it.

She smiles at me and shakes her head.

—I let you sleep a bit longer... You looked so peaceful.

I smile shyly. It's true that it's been a while since I got a good nap. I always cry myself to sleep these days. She ruffles my hair.

—However, we need to go if we don't want to be late.

It nearly slipped from my mind.

—Do you need to go back home one last time?

I'm supposed to hitch a ride with my aunt until London. Tomorrow, I'm taking my flight for Canada. The schedule is a bit thigh, but there wasn't any better option. I can't be gone from school for too long.

-Let's just go.

It itches me to go see our home one last time, but I know it would make letting go even harder. The house has been fully emptied and sold now. There's nothing to hold on to now.

The walk back to her car is grimmer than I remembered. Maybe it's because the sun is now completely obstructed by clouds. The air feels heavy. The light rain makes the church look gloomy. The red stained-glass windows look tainted with blood. A shiver runs down my back. Why did mum pick this church? I hurry to get inside mu aunt's old Nissan. I'm sitting in the front. The backseats are filled with boxes. Most of them aren't mine. They're knick-knacks my aunt decided to keep. My whole life is kept in three suitcases in the boot. A few clothes, books and memories. My aunt oversaw my mum's estate, so I couldn't claim a lot of things. I wish I had been able to ask for her old desk, but my uncle, her husband, took it as his. It broke my heart. It was probably the only furniture that made all our journey with us. I had a strong emotional connection to it, but I didn't dare to speak out. Also, there was an old porcelain cat figurine I wanted... In her hurry, my aunt broke it. I sigh. I need to get over it. It's just a figurine.

My aunt makes a tour of the village one last time. She calls it "my official goodbye." The smile she gives me makes me a bit uneasy. I don't think it's the end of my relationship with Archaracle. I'm sure I'll come back here one day or the other. Why does she have to make it appear so dramatic?

Shortly after, we finally embark on our long drive to London. It's already noon, and, if we're lucky, we'll be able to arrive in London before ten o'clock. My aunt tries to stay positive. There's no way we can arrive after that. The traffic isn't too crazy at the moment. We'll pass through Glasgow before peak hours. The only part that could slow us down would be making our way to the suburbs of London.

As we pass through the Loches, she stopes every now and then to enjoy the view and exercise a bit. I take deep breath of the cool air and get a bit nostalgic. Nothing can beat that feeling. There's nowhere in the world that will make me feel like Scotland. This is where I'm supposed to belong. Did I really need to leave to realise that? How foolish was I when I complained about my arrival in Archaracle? This village offered me the best years of my life. I was free to roam around. My mother would never be worried if I came home late because nothing could happen in such a small community. I would go on endless walks through the streets and be greeted by the drivers. Sometimes, I would cross the bridge close to our home and explore the wilderness. Sometimes, I would go to get my lunch at the café. Sometimes, my mum would drive alongside the Loch Sunart and we would marvel at the landscape.