The Search for Home

CHAPTER 1 - The beginning of my future

I have ALWAYS loved kids. Expecially Babies. I just can't resist their chubby cheeks and innocent state of mind. It's a bonus that kids love me too. I'm 100% sure they think I'm one of them and that's why we get along so well. When I turned 19 I just couldn't get them out of my head. Suddenly everywhere I looked there was a Mother and her children and everyone was posting about their new babies on social media. It was almost like my brain was giving me a sign. At first I thought I was going crazy but then I realised that a family of my own was all I was missing in life. I have the career of my dreams, more money then I know what to do with and the most supportive family that any one could ask for but I knew that until I had a child of my own, my life wouldn't feel complete.

BILLIE'S POV 

"MOM!" I yell as I run into the kitchen and take my place leaning against the counter. "What's wrong Billie," My Mom asks with her back turned to me as she stirs dinner on the stove. "I can't decide. It's too hard" I mumble as flick a crumb off the counter and onto the floor. "What do you mean Billie?" My Mom asks as she places the wooden spoon next to the sink and leans against it, looking at me. "I can't decide who to adopt. This child will determine my future... how am I suppose to make a decision like that?" I ask, frustrated with the decision at hand. "What about the little girl you couldn't stop talking about from the moment you arrived home?" My mom questions. "I don't know Mom... I felt this instant connection to her, as if my gut knew she was mine and always was supposed to be mine but when I questioned the women at the orphanage about her she told me straight out that I was too young to handle a girl like her" I rant. "Why would she think you couldn't manage her? She doesn't even know you!" My Mom asks as she throws her hands in the air in frustration and anger. "Her parents died in a car crash when she was 10 months old and it has left her with separation anxiety and PTSD. Not to mention that her last foster family returned her and they already had children so I understand that I couldn't manage but I doesn't change the fact that I really felt a connection with her Mom" I explain sadly as I fiddle with a napkin that was left on the countertop nearby. "I know you did My love" My Mom wraps her arms around my shoulders and places a kiss on my temple. "Did they tell you why they returned her?" "Yeah, she said that her last foster family couldn't cope with her as well as their other 7 children so they had to let her go" I reply. "Oh, Billie... that's a good thing. That means it wasn't her fault" My Mom replies kindly as she rubs her hand up and down my back. "But Mom... I have a career. I have a life. I don't have all the time in the world either" I explain sadly as I stand up straight and walk into my Mom's embrace, placing my head on her shoulder. "Billie..." my Mom whispers. "If you really want her... you will make it work. You may not see it now but you can make it work. You can still have a life and a career. If you trust your gut as I do... then she is your child. No other child is going to be enough because they aren't her. You will always wonder if you could have managed. There is no point in living with regrets. They just make you miserable. She was made for you and I know you can feel it My darling otherwise you wouldn't be devastated at the idea of not having her. She is yours, you just need the courage to accept the challenge. And I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to be challenging and difficult. There will be times where you question your decision but in the end, it will all be worth it because she will be yours and she will make you happy. And I will be by your side every step of the way... so will you Dad and Finneas. All you have to do is ask and we will be there for you" My Mom explains wisely as she gently rocks us side to side as she always does when we get upset. "Billie..." My Mom says as tears start to build up in her eyes. She grabs my face in her hands and continues, "It is time to think of yourself for a change. It's time to let yourself be happy. You take the weight of the world on your shoulders and you try to deal with everyone else's problems but it is time that you allow yourself to be genuinely happy". "Okay" I whisper in reply as wipe the tears that are building up in my own eyes on my sleeve.

My Mom is right. She is always right. It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. I can do whatever I want with my life and if that's adopting a child who has lost both her parents which has left her with issues then so be it. We all have our issues don't we? I grab the empty stack of forms from the kitchen counter tops and sprint upstairs to grab a pen so I can start filling out the paperwork which will begin my future... and I can't wait.